I’ve never been the biggest fan of candycorn, but for some reason, I have really been wanting some. I also had no idea it would be so hard to get ahold of a bag of candycorn either, as the only thing I could find was the kind you had to pay by the pound that you scooped yourself.
But if that’s my only option, so be it. So I got my bag of candycorn and my pumpkin seeds (with shells), it’s starting to get cold outside and finally starting to seem like October. AKA, Halloween, AKA horror month.
If you missed it, to start horror month off I did a review of Joker, I know, not exactly a horror film. But to make up for it I went to go see Zombieland 2.
I really wanted to review this film for one reason. Not just because it’s a big budget horror film in theaters, but because I might be the only person except for a select few who watched the Amazon Studios pilot for Zombieland, before they had any shows whatsoever.
And I got to say, the pilot for the series was… fucking terrible. There’s a reason you never heard of its existence.
In it, it takes place a few months after the film, Wichita and Columbus have broken up and are on the road again, but are using CB radios to communicate with other survivors. Communicating with a lady, they hear about a distress call for a survivor that needs their help. They go to rescue him, only getting him killed in the process. That’s about all I really remember about the pilot.
It’s funny this was so bad, as the original Zombieland film was written as a series pilot, and yet, the series pilot sucks. They should have just started over with different characters, as the guys they brought in just seemed to be doing really bad Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg impressions.
Which is also ironic since the sequel basically introduces more really bad counterparts, which I’ll get into later.
Every horror month, I always look forward to any new horror comedies that might get released. Every year there’s always at least one. Some good. Most bad. But I always look forward to them because you never know when you might run into a real gem.
And after binge watching nothing but horror for several weeks, it’s good to break up the gore filled monotony with a little humor. Thankfully, I’ve gotten to see a few decent horror comedies this month with Little Monsters on Hulu and Satanic Panic plus now Zombieland 2.
For some reason YouTube has felt the need to recommend this YouTube channel called Special Books by Special Kids. Now, if you don’t know what that channel is, thank yourself lucky, because it’s a channel of nightmare fuel. Not to sound mean, though this is going to sound incredibly mean, but they showcase usually little kids with horrific diseases and disabilities. Currently, they have a child burn victim that looks like a baked potato with teeth. No movie that I’ve seen this month, matches the horror I’ve had to suffer through than getting recommends to this channel.
I beg you, don’t go looking for this channel. You can’t unsee some of these horrors and the worst part, YouTube will then keep suggesting you to check out every new video they upload.
So to step away from this topic, let’s talk about something a bit more uplifting, like seeing zombies get shot in the face.
Like most of everyone I know, I loved the first Zombieland film. It was extremely original for its time, using humor in ways that would make Shaun of the Dead jealous.
But 10 whole years have gone by and with a plethora of other zombie movies and tv shows, how exactly does Zombieland: Double Tap hold up?
Like I mentioned, it’s been 10 years since the first film and I believe that’s how many years have gone by in the film as well. Returning is the crew, which includes Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee, Jesse Eisenberg as Columbus, Emma Stone as Wichita and Abigail Breslin as Little Rock.
They are still together, still not using their real names and still looking for their forever home. That home being the white house. After clearing the place for zombies, they make themselves right at home, where Tallahassee occupies his affection towards a presidential limo and Little Rock, who he sees as his little daughter, who has grown up considerably. And by that, I mean she got boobs for days!
Columbus and Wichita are still together, rectifying the giant mistake they made in the shitty tv pilot. Columbus decides to finally pop the question to her by giving her the Hope Diamond as an engagement ring.
She of course freaks out and says no. Or not exactly no, just a maybe and then taking off in the morning.
Feeling left out, Little Rock is tired of being stuck with everyone, wanting to find some people her own age, more importantly, some boys her own age.
Things have changed since the last time we visited Zombieland, so have the zombies. Some zombies have started to evolve, some for the better and some for the worse, mostly the worse.
The better would be the Homer zombies, zombies so dumb that you really don’t have anything to fear from them. Then there are the Ninja zombies, fast and quiet like a ninja that can sneak attack you, the most under used zombies in the film, as we never see them but for one time they are introduced.
Then there are the smart zombies and the unkillable zombies that they have taken to calling T-800’s like the Terminator.
The two new zombies that should have been left out of the script should have been the ninja and the smart zombies, they aren’t utilized very well and in the Ninja zombie’s case, ever utilized. The focus should have been just the unstoppable zombies with some Homer zombies tossed in there for comedic relief.
Wichita and Little Rock leave a note, saying bye and thanks for all the fish, see ya later. Devastated, Tallahassee and Columbus sulk in their sorrows. A month has gone by since they took off, but when visiting the mall, killing zombies, Columbus runs into Madison, a bubbly but cute airhead that lives in the mall’s freezer.
Taking the classic advice, to get over someone, you need to get under someone else, Columbus and Madison quickly hit it off and make sexy time. But to complicate things, Wichita shows back up looking for ammo and fuel. Seems Little Rock ditched her for this hippy called Berkeley that they ran into while on the road.
He was promising Little Rock a paradise called Babylon, which Madison calls Baby-lon. It’s a place run by young pacifists that make you melt your guns at the entrance, which they then turn into necklaces.
Fearing Little Rock could be in great danger, seeing as all they have to protect themselves is Berkeley’s guitar, Wichita went back to get help. Knowing she made a mistake by running away, she apologizes but the apology tour is ruined when Madison shows up postcoital.
Little Rock’s first destination was Graceland, the home of Elvis. Everyone piles into a minivan to make the trip, to Tallahassee’s chagrin, as he hates having to drive this embarrassing mom car.
Also tagging along for the ride is Madison, to Wichita’s chagrin, as she mostly wants to choke her to death.
While on their journey to Graceland, Tallahassee pulls the minivan over, spotting a nice RV they can ditch the mom van for. But the RV is surrounded by zombies.
Our crew makes quick work of them, but it looks as if Madison might have been bitten on the foot, we aren’t sure. As they try to take the RV out, they pop the tires, forcing them to return to the van.
While eating some trail mix, Madison starts to have an allergic reaction, but it looks a lot like being infected with the zombie virus, so they kick her out of the van and continue the trip without her.
When they get to Graceland, they see how in shambles it is, knowing Little Rock must have gone elsewhere. As they continue to look for her, they run into an old Elvis memorabilia museum.
Being the big fan that Tallahassee is, they stop to check it out, discovering The Beast, the decked out presidential limo Tallahassee was obsessed with and what Little Rock ran away in.
As they search the building, they are confronted by another new character, Nevada, played by Rosario Dawson. She fills them in on what’s been going on. Little Rock and her hippy boyfriend have set out to find Babylon. But more and more T-800 zombies have been spotted in the area lately.
Tallahassee and Nevada hit it off. Wichita and Columbus make up, all is looking good for the gang.
That is until dawn when a monster truck rolls over The Beast, driven by Luke Wilson as Albuquerque, a doppelganger to Tallahassee. To add to the weirdness, he is partnered with Flagstaff, a doppelganger to Columbus, who also has a version of a live by list, but his being commandments to live by.
Columbus and Flagstaff hit it off, while Tallahassee and Albuquerque not so much. The shop gets overrun by zombies and Albuquerque sets out to kill them alone with his partner Flagstaff.
They of course come back bitten and infected, having to be put down.
The gang sets off again to find Little Rock, but while on the road they discover Madison well and not a zombie.
They make it to Babylon where they find Little Rock, who seems happy surrounded by people her own age. Seeing this is a nice place to live, everyone but Tallahassee agrees to live there.
Setting out on a journey alone, he runs into a massive horde of T-800 zombies headed right for Babylon.
Tallahassee drives back to warn everyone, but without weapons they all stand very little of a chance of surviving. The gang concocts a plan. They’ll lead the zombies inside, where they’ll blow them up.
The plan seems to work, however they underestimated the amount of zombies invading them.
Now surrounded by a massive horde, it looks like this is finally the end for them. That is until Nevada shows up in a monster truck. Taking out a good amount of zombies, the gang escapes but the monster truck tips over, forcing them to make a run for it inside the tower of Babylon.
Waiting up top for them is a blockade, corralling the zombies off the roof, plummeting them to the ground below. Now that the danger is over, Wichita finally says yes to marry Columbus. Now married and with Nevada joining the group, they head off into the wasteland driving Elvis’ pink Cadillac.
And that’s Zombieland: Double Tap. I know, not a ton of story, right? It took 10 years to do a sequel, not counting the Amazon Pilot, and this was all they could come up with?
They introduced 4 new zombie types but only did something with one of them, almost ignoring the others.
Usually for these road trip films, our characters run into situations. But there aren’t really that many situations they find themselves running into.
They stop to get a new car, they stop to check out a museum and then they make it to their destination. I guess I knew that going into the film just by looking at the short runtime.
Short runtime aside, I also could have used more character moments. I actually enjoy these characters a lot, especially Tallahassee. I do like that they gave him a love interest, after learning his sad and tragic backstory in the first film.
The humor I liked, but I seemed to be the only one enjoying it as I was laughing while no one else in the theater was. There were times however the film did go a bit overboard, I’m speaking mainly about the scene where a guy drops the Leaning Tower of Pisa on three zombies using a car jack. What? It was so cartoony and even in this world felt out of place.
But all in all, I did enjoy this movie. If you enjoyed the first film, you should get a kick out of this one as well. It isn’t as good, but at least it didn’t ruin what the previous film set up like that pilot did.
I give Zombieland: Double Tap a RENT IT.
Also, I want to add, stick around through the credits, as you get something a little extra you might be interested in seeing. Most of the people got up and left before this played and missed out.
That concludes horror month for me. I will be back next week with a TOP 10 LIST of new horror films worth checking out and a list of all the films I saw that week. And like every year, there were a ton I didn’t get around to seeing. But for me, I must admit, every month is basically horror month.
I’LL BE BACK next time with a review for Terminator: Dark Fate.
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