I feel like I missed a week, since we are close to the end now. But I’ve been keeping pretty good track of my movie watching over on my twitter account. And I started right at the start. Maybe because the month started on a Thursday, it’s throwing me off.
Anyway, Week 2 is here and boy was it a shitty week. Nothing but skips this time but one. And realistically it’s barely a rent. But I was feeling generous at the time, so I gave it a higher rating than it deserves.
12 Hour Shift – I kept falling asleep during this, which is never a good sign. I feel if I’m invested with a movie, I’ll keep my eyes open no matter what. But every time I went into trying to watch this, out I went. I think the main issue for me was the terribly unlikable characters. Everyone in this are just evil unlikable dirtbags that I hated and cared nothing about. Our lead is this sleep deprived serial killer that sells organs on the black market. If they ever explain her reasoning for it, I must have slept through it. Because honestly it just seemed like she wanted the extra money on the side. So fuck her and she’s our main character. The other issue I had was the completely out of place comedic tone. They tried to make this a dark comedy but man did this make everything feel so off. It honestly added to the… what’s the opposite of enjoyment? Discomfort? Yeah, that one. SKIP IT.
Tremors: Shrieker Island – I didn’t even bother looking at the trailer for this one, only because my expectations where just so low. I don’t even think I finished the last film it was so bad. But I got a bit of a shock when I saw that not only Richard Brake is in this but Jon Heder as well. I love Richard Brake so really that was enough to get me excited. To my complete shock, this film wasn’t bad. It has this more directorial style than the other films have had. Felt like I was watching a Zack Snyder film or a Jurassic Park sequel. However, it wasn’t all great as the film is severally lacking in the script department. It’s full of contrivances and things that just don’t make sense. However the CGI for the creatures looked damn good. I found this to be a good send off to a beloved character. SEE IT!
Let’s Scare Julie – I think I found the worst horror movie for Horror Month. I still have a few to get to, so I can’t say 100% this is the worst, but for now it absolutely is. They clearly didn’t get the memo on the whole SHOW don’t TELL thing. Nothing happens in this whole “film”. It mostly follows these annoying teens as they talk talk talk about stuff we never see. I knew almost immediately I was going to hate this. All the girls are insufferable. I honestly felt like a group of teens found a camera lying around and filmed their boring sleepover. Absolutely dreadful. SKIP!
Halloween Party – This is a Canadian horror film… maybe comedy… I’m not sure. The setup reminded me of It Follows meets The Ring, but the kind of terrible attempts at humor reminded me of Scream. This wouldn’t be a bad thing if the “jokes” were funny at all. But instead all it did was make me cringe. The biggest issue for me was the fact you don’t get to see any kills. Hell, I’m having a hard time remembering if there was even any blood. Mostly what we got was a really bad CGI scary face and then instantly cutting to the next scene. Not to mention most of these “horror” scenes take place during the day. Yeah, I don’t know why I have to remind people of this but don’t set your horror film during the day! Nothing in this was even close to be scary. And if they were relying on atmosphere, then maybe they should have cut back on the lame jokes. Another small issue I had, most of the college guys all looked like they were pushing 40, while our main lead male character looked to be 13. SKIP.
Hosts – This one wasn’t shy about the gore. Or at least within their limited budget of what they could show of gore SFX, the main issue here for me was character motivation. You have absolutely no idea what these things are, what their goal is. Are they demons? Aliens? Why are they torturing these people if their goal is to possess them with other aliens and/or demons? SKIP.
Chop Chop – This is what happens when you get inspired by Pulp Fiction, but don’t have an inch of talent to pull it off. A very muddled mess of a plot, with bad acting and writing. SKIP!
A Night of Horror: Nightmare Radio – Cheap anthology film where instead of making the short films themselves to fit a narrative, they just bought a bunch of random ones and slapped them together. The shorts aren’t even good. They play by the ABC’s of Death rules, where they’re so short it’s hard to really get invested with them. SKIP.
The Witches – I couldn’t even bring myself to watch the trailer for this. I am a huge fan of the original. I saw it in the theater as a kid about 30 years ago. Then you watch this CGI monstrosity and you just facepalm. And the most depressing bit, the main character remains a fucking mouse. They never bring him back. He’s just an old man now trapped as a mouse. SKIP!
Cadaver – I liked the premise here but it really failed to hold my interest for very long. I felt like I had figured everything out like 30 minutes into the movie and was just going through the motions until the end credits hit. Pretty disappointing, so it gets a SKIP.
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