An excerpt from my script review for Motor City which will be available 10/04/26:
4.) Dialogue and Description
You read it in the title of this review…
Is the “no dialogue” a worthy storytelling method or just a cheap gimmick?
Unfortunately I don’t have a definitive answer, and probably depends on the audience.
I will say this after watching the film though…in place of spoken dialogue the soundtrack does some heavy lifting with songs from the period, original scores, and even Christmas songs.
So is shoe horning in a 1970s rock song better than dialogue with subtext? Probably not.
In no way did I hate this film, it was enjoyable for what it was, but two caveats here are I knew there was little to no dialogue going in and I wouldn’t want every film I watch to be told this way.
After that, the dialogue that was in the script didn’t necessarily make it into the film, and vice versa.
One exception was the final exchange, which I’ll get to in a minute.
The biggest missing piece (for me) was at the end of the script when Ramirez gets away, Miller cries out, “NO!”
This is the first time we really hear him speak, and it’s a visceral moment given all he’s gone through.
That isn’t in the film which I think is a big miss.
Then the final scene where Miller kills Ramirez/Reynolds…
REYNOLDS
I loved her.
MILLER
I still do.
In the script Ramirez technically writes it in his own blood, but the film’s way makes more sense.
Now…onto the description, the true GEM of this script!
Before I sat down to read I was nervous that this thing was going to be packed with details, almost novelizing the story with wall after wall of blackspace.
It was actually quite the opposite.
Not only was the description fun and creative, it was an excellent example of a single word doing the work of three or four.
(Another way to look at it, why use four sentences when one will do?)
Apologies in advance, but there’s a lot of “good” in here worth sharing…
Page 3:
Miller twisted an ankle.
Means nothing right now. If he coughed up his spleen, it
wouldn’t stop him. Not now.
Not this night.
This early in the story we’re not sure exactly what’s happening, but with those three lines we get a feel for Miller’s character and determination.
Quick clear visuals displaying action and motivation.
Page 7:
These guys work here because they can’t get jobs anywhere
else. You can see it in their faces–this job is the
only thing keeping them from being criminals.
Again.
The scene is set for the sort of life Miller comes from in a way that’s both fun to read and takes less than a third of the page to convey.
We’re not told how big the building is. Exactly how many men are on the night shift. What specifics they’re wearing (aside from Miller’s hat).
Our mind fills in the blanks and that’s essential when writing a spec.
You bog your reader down with too many unimportant details and you lose them.
Page 14:
KENT–a walking recruitment poster.
…
Kent shakes his head. 1+1=3 in this math. Something
ain’t right.
First off, that’s Kent’s introduction. “A walking recruitment poster” gives us an exact image in our heads of who Kent is and what he’s about in three words and a single article.
Second is the “1+1=3” bit. That gives us a very good visual of the wheels spinning as he surveys the scene.
(One thing I will note about this in the film is that Kent doesn’t have this moment exactly. He definitely knows something’s up with Savick, but the neighborhood isn’t as run down in the film as it is in the script. Just a typical blue collar neighborhood in the 70s.)
One more from page 51:
Grave dirt.
He can’t wipe it off fast enough. It don’t let go. It
sticks to his skin.
Like sin.
Like death.
Like the dirt of a not-yet-dug grave coming for him
already.
This made for decent reading in the script, and I get what St. John was going for, but at the same time the latter parts can’t really be filmed.
As written, Ramirez will basically just be walking around the grave trying to wipe his hands off multiple times.
Will the audience catch the drift of it? Maybe, but the film played it better in my opinion having him wipe at the dirt initially, get frustrated, and then scream at Sophia through the coffin then tearing up the flower arrangements.
(“Scream” is the emotion, since I’m pretty sure a song played over this scene as well.)
Two minor notes before we finish out the section…
As good as it was, too many WE/US moments for my liking.
One or two here and there is forgivable, but remember it’s better to just tell your story.
The other thing is we get a duplicate “rooftop” play-by-play at the end with Miller running across the roof with a few minor details filled in.
We could have just picked up with him in the street spraying molten pennies from his sawed-off.
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