The Captain’s List is in!!!
25. The Phoenician Scheme – It was reminding me a lot of Wes Anderson’s older films, before he got heavy into making films that seem more like plays. But I’d say around the second act, right around when they introduced Scarlett Johansson, I was already on my way out. This easily became the worst film he has ever made. The plot is so random and nonsensical, the tone is all over the place, with characters doing what they mostly do in his films, act like wooden robots reading lines. That stuff gets old and it wore thin almost immediately.
24. The Woman in the Yard – This got some praise from critics when it came out. I wasn’t sure if I should put this on the list, yes it was bad, but I also found myself skipping around until something, anything happened. And it never did. So I basically fast forward through the whole movie. I gave it a chance for a good 40 minutes or so. But I could tell this wasn’t actually going anywhere and that the ending was either going to be crazy lady ends up being crazy or ambiguous to keep you guessing and they did both!
23. A Working Man – A very stupid movie, it has a ton of good action sequences and I’m a sucker for just about anything with Jason Statham in it, but this really pushed my limits. Being written by Sylvester Stallone and directed by David Ayer, there’s only so much one can really take and only so much Jason Statham’s charisma can carry. With lines like, “him, he is small potato, me, I’m big potato”. Also, I don’t think Jason Statham gets a scratch through this whole movie. Is an action movie really all that interesting if the main character never gets hurt? The answer, no.
22. Love Hurts – A movie where the main character does get hurt, but it’s still not very interesting. The whole “love” theme or Valentine’s Day theme seems like an afterthought. The biggest issue was the main character has absolutely zero chemistry with his supposed romantic lead. They might as well be two strangers stuck in line at the DMV. That’s how little these two vibe with each other. The action is kind of what you expect these days, with everything getting John Wickized.
21. The Electric State – Based off a very atmospheric and dark book, told through pictures. So how did Netflix screw this up? Just make it a generic action movie. The book is very haunting, with just images of this dead society taken over by this VR headset and a war with robots, their remains scattered throughout the wasteland. And Netflix turned it into a comedy road trip movie with nonsensical action sequences. Super disappointing.
20. The Old Guard 2 – Speaking of disappointing Netflix movies! This took them several years to make, and it isn’t even a full movie. This actually starts a long list of movies that came out in 2025 that just don’t have 3rd acts. For some reason a giant majority of this movie was filmed during the day, giving it this real cheap feel to it. Things like car chases, action sequences, look better at night, but everything is so bright and during the day that it just started to feel rushed and cheap to me. Which didn’t help the fact they couldn’t even end the movie, as it just abruptly ends.
19. 28 Years Later – This was essentially two movies, the first movie being about a son and his dad going out to test the boy’s manhood, while the other half of the movie is about a boy taking his dying mom to see a crazy doctor making skull towers. The first story was way more interesting and should have been the whole movie. This movie also doesn’t have an ending, as it just abruptly ends with maybe the worst ending, I’ve ever seen. It was like that pancakes scene from Cabin Fever.
18. The Strangers: Chapter 2 – This really should have been a Netflix series or something, stretching this out to 3 movies, with each movie being the act of the movie is outright insulting. The first movie was act one of the movie, this is act 2, which is slightly better since stuff actually happens. However, the stuff that happens is so repetitive, you could easily guess what was going to happen next. Survivor girl flees the killers, goes to one location after the next, meets someone that will help her, gets killed and she runs off to the next location to repeat the same process over again. They also inject flashback scenes to two of the killers when they were kids. I’m still unsure who they are, but the film acts like you should know. One of the killers dies and I had no idea who this person was when they take the mask off. Honestly, I didn’t know who the tall guy killer was until the trailer for the 3rd one came out. But like the first one, this isn’t the full movie, so it cuts off when the 2nd act ends. So, I guess the next movie is the 3rd act. Who cares!!!
17. A House of Dynamite – I liked this movie at first, but I started to get worried when the film would stop right before something happened and we’d cut to a new character retelling the whole thing again with their POV. Essentially doing the same thing over and over again. Just retelling the same first 15 minutes of the movie, cutting off at the conclusion. You’d think, well, they’re just saving that for the end, right? Nope, this has no ending. Nothing is resolved, nothing is shown, there is absolutely no conclusion to anything in this movie. It just cuts off with zero answers. Who sent the nuke? Not answered. What happened to the nuke, was it a dud? Did it explode? No answers, it makes the film feel like a total waste of time.
16. Hurry Up Tomorrow – People kept calling this the worst movie of the year and I have to disagree. This isn’t a movie. What this is is essentially one of those concert movies we sometimes used to get. The more famous one being Moonwalker, that Michael Jackson movie from the late 80’s. The better example I guess would be that Metallica movie, Through the Never. Slight storyline with mostly live concert performances. I like The Weeknd’s music, so I wasn’t that upset about the movie. It’s pretty boring however, with it dealing mostly with a crazy stalker and The Weeknd trying to get over an ex. At least Moonwalker had some cool claymation. This just had The Weeknd crying.
15. Another Simple Favor – The first film wasn’t great, but it had an interesting, kind of dark vibe to it with Anna Kendrick being in love with her dead brother. I don’t know what the hell this movie was. It was like if they wanted to make another sequel to Mama Mia but also wanted to make another Knives Out sequel. They also thought that incest was like a running motif this franchise should have, so this time around it was Blake Lively who got incestuous with her twin sister. Yeah, this movie’s plot is so unoriginal, they’re using the whole secret twin sister was behind it all plot line. Just absolutely dreadful film. Please do not make any more sequels!
14. The Conjuring: Last Rites – Finally an end to these terrible movies! And by end, I mean they’ll just keep making spinoffs and prequels, as another Conjuring film was already announced. This is hands down the worst one with the “Conjuring” title slapped on it. To me, the plot made no damn sense at all. The big evil thing this time is a haunted mirror. And if you thought them lugging around, fighting a giant mirror might be kind of silly looking, well you are right! I’m also very unclear with how the ghosts are even associated with the mirror. There’s an ax wielding weirdo who looks like Victor Crowley from the Hatchet films, a ghost of an old lady, and a strangled woman. None of these seem connected. Were they ghosts trapped by the mirror? I don’t know. The movie doesn’t explain it.
13. Honey Don’t! – The second solo film by Ethan Coen, one half of the famous directing duo, The Coen Brothers. And once again he has proven that his brother is the one with all the talent as he managed to make another terrible movie. If Tarantino’s fetish is feet, Ethan’s is lesbians. Much like his last film, the lead is a lesbian even though I’m almost positive the role was originally written for a man. They didn’t change anything to the character, they just cast a woman for the part and called it a day. The plot is comical, with Aubrey Plaza I think being a lesbian serial killer who kidnaps girls, maybe for Chris Evans? Who plays a preacher, drug trafficker. And there’s a subplot involving a hitman who is also a lesbian. It’s really bad, but maybe not as bad as his last film, so I guess that’s an improvement.
12. Now You See Me: Now You Don’t – You know what’s super unimpressive? CGI magic tricks. Maybe if they did some kind of in camera trickery, actually trying to pull some of these tricks off maybe just maybe this could be worth watching. But as it is, with the terrible scene of them trying to outdo the other with the next CGI fake magic trick, to the hacky easy to figure out plot twist, this thing is easily one of the worst films I’ve seen in 2025 that was actually in theaters. Very briefly that is.
11. I Know What You Did Last Summer – I was never that big of a fan to this Scream cash-in franchise, but wow, the people behind this reboot showed zero respect for the legacy characters. I can’t really get into it without getting into spoilers but let’s just say there’s a twist, one that makes absolutely no sense. They also kill so many random people that have absolutely nothing to do with the silly revenge plot. They even sequel bait at the end. Please! Just let this franchise die! You aren’t Scream!
10. A Minecraft Movie – Clearly just on principle this had to be on the worst list. However, it wasn’t nearly as terrible as I thought it would be. It was just not made for me. I don’t play Minecraft, I’ve never played Minecraft and I don’t watch people who do. The biggest issue for me was just how bad the plot was. When they separate, the boys split off together and so do the girls, I can’t really be sure what happens, as this whole chunk of the movie is so boring I dozed off. I covered most of the film’s glaring issues in my review, so I won’t go over it again. To sum it up, Jack Black basically plays himself now for every role, wedging in as many half assed songs as he can.
9. Highest 2 Lowest – This is hands down the worst film Spike Lee has ever done. I don’t know how he managed to get all these great actors together and make them the worst actors in the world. Just comedic performances that will unintentionally make you bust out laughing for the line delivery. The scene of Denzel Washington getting a phone call to let him know his son was kidnapped needs to be studied in acting classes for just how bad it was. I honestly didn’t know these actors had the ability to act this poorly.
8. Red Sonja – As I am a big fan of the original, I was curious to see this, even though it was just randomly dropped on VOD with no fanfare, which is never a good sign. The last I heard about a Red Sonja remake, Robert Rodriguez was set to write and direct. Well, that didn’t happen. And instead of getting something that had potential, we get this what is essentially a super low budget rip off of Gladiator. The original was an adventure that took us to interesting places, filled with interesting people. The remake takes us to a gladiator stadium and this super cheap looking underground area the gladiator stay and that’s it. The acting is laughable. The original wasn’t exactly the best written or acted either, but at least it was fun. There’s no fun to be had here, leaving me mostly bored out of my skull.
7. Good Fortune – I loved Aziz Ansari’s series on FX Master of None. It’s so perfectly written and not to mention hilarious that I might go as far as calling it a brilliant series. I have absolutely no clue then as to why this movie is such a giant piece of shit. There’s no way the same person wrote this. As a comedy it is the unfunniest thing I have ever seen. If you were wondering what the unfunniest comedy of the year was, this was it. It’s also very unclear just who the main character is, at first you assume it’s Aziz Ansari’s character, but then the movie focuses more on Seth Rogen’s character, while Keanu Reeves is just kind of there. No one is likable by the way. Aziz Ansari’s love interest in the film looks like she wants to be anywhere else when acting beside him. Seth Rogen, I think was just playing himself. And I have no idea what Keanu was doing. I guess like a mentally handicap angel? It’s funny because when the trailer first came out for the movie everything thought it was a fake AI slop trailer someone made. Nope, real movie.
6. M3GAN 2.0 – When I heard they were making a sequel I thought it might be okay. Then I watched the trailer for it. The horror element is gone, now being a comedy action movie I guess made for kids? The choices here are boggling. The plot is so idiotic that I thought maybe it was a spoof. It has to do with the first AI, which was a copier machine in the 70’s, going on a killing spree and wanting to take over the world. Such a terrible sequel, that I think this might possibly be the worst sequel ever made.
5. The Mastermind – Everything was fine leading up to the heist, but that was only the first 30 minutes or so. The problem being this is an over 2 hour movie. So literally the movie essentially ends after the heist, as it just becomes long extended scenes of nearly nothing happening. Or if something does happen, it’s 10 minutes of our lead fixing a shirt to hang, walking silently down a dirt road, eating… I had to start skipping scenes, as this is constant throughout. The movie ends abruptly as well, with zero satisfying conclusion. 30 minute heist followed by two hours of him on the run, doing nothing. Most pointless, boring movie of 2025.
4. Die My Love – No real narrative to be had here, with very little story structure, jumping everywhere in time. Poor LaKeith Stanfield I don’t think has a single line of dialogue. There isn’t much of a story here, so telling you what it’s about is pointless. It’s mostly a smattering of random scenes, scattershot throughout the movie. Mainly, it’s just about Jennifer Lawrence’s character going crazy or already was crazy, we don’t know. The only thing that really kept me watching was the fact I never knew when Jennifer Lawrence would just get fully nude again. Every time I’m about to skip some boring pointless scene, she’d get naked. I can’t in anyway suggest seeing this, not even for a bare-naked Jennifer Lawrence.
3. In the Lost Lands – I was shocked to learn this was based off a George R.R. Martin story. Less shocked to learn it was directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. The biggest issue this movie has is the nonsensical story. It’s absolutely hilarious, making the movie unintentionally one of the funniest movies of the year. Words can’t really get across just how bad this movie is. Milla Jovovich is a witch, of course she’s in it. Dave Bautista is a werewolf for some reason, who falls in love with her, but needs to die so she can give his werewolf skin to the princess, who is also Dave Bautista’s secret lover. But the only reason she needs the skin of a werewolf is so the princess can also become a werewolf so they can be together, but to do that he has to die… The whole movie is so dumb, looking like it was filmed only on a greenscreen, nothing looks real. No sets look like they are there. I did enjoy the action sequences, which sometime were also funny. I have no idea how faithful this is to the story it’s based on, but if it is, oh boy. Maybe Game of Thrones was just a fluke.
2. War of the Worlds – The only reason this isn’t number one on my list is because there is some enjoyment to be had with just how bad it is. Being a so bad it’s good movie is usually reserved for films like Birdemic or anything by Neil Breen. So that alone I think the filmmakers should applaud themselves for achieving such heights that their film can be considered among the classic terrible movie legends. The film seems like it was made to only promote Amazon. Not the movie section of the company, the buying and shipping part. Taking time to make sure whole plot points center around ordering online and having it shipped via drone. Amazon literally saves the world with its same day shipping. I haven’t even touched on how bad Ice Cube was. There are several meme videos of his reactions during the film. They’re all hilarious so I highly recommend checking them out. The plot, well it’s War of the Worlds, so you know how this ends, but oh man is it stupid. The aliens are actually invading because they feed off data, so they go around eating our online information. There’s even a line in the film that’s, “they’re eating our data!’. And of course we defeat them by injecting the server room with a computer virus, that I think also uses human DNA? Ice Cube’s daughter is some kind of gene scientist… it’s dumb. Also Ice Cube is just stalking her with spy satellites the whole time without her knowing. And his son is secretly this hackerman that Ice Cube has been pursuing. They try to insert this government spying bad sentiment while using spying technology to literally save the world (with the help of Amazon). And the end it’s like, yeah, we killed the aliens, but the government has spy drones.
1. Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 – I was ready to give War of the Worlds the top prize for being the worst of the year. that is until I watched this pile of garbage. I have a whole section of bad movies on this list dedicated to the movies without endings. Which this would also take front runner as this movie is over 2 hours and they still managed to not include a third act. First let’s start off with the fact the game creator wrote this. He watched the first movie and actually thought to himself, hold my beer, time for a real master storyteller to step in. And he managed to make a movie even worse than the first one. I would say at least he didn’t include a bunch of dream sequences like the first one had, but this movie has one of the funniest scenes with Matthew Lillard falling in slowmotion during a dream sequence. Just the expression he gives while falling will have you cracking up. Maybe Tarantino was right about him being a shitty actor. But all the acting in this was terrible. The actress who plays Abby, Josh Hutcherson’s sister daughter is absolutely horrendous. It was so bad, I wasn’t sure if the character was supposed to be mentally challenged or somehow deep on the spectrum. Plot wise, this thing is a mess. There’s a secret Freddy’s location no one seems to know about, even though it is literally a bike riding distance from them. This was the first location that got shutdown in the 80’s I guess because a girl died. Who now haunts the place, looking for revenge. Because things needed to happen, they introduce this team of ghost haunters who look like teens, but are also on tv since we get a scene of the sister daughter Abby watching them on her tv in the living room. But then you see them and it’s just one dude with an old DV camera and no other gear. They get quickly killed off, all off camera of course. The only reason this has a PG-13 rating is because some characters say shit or damn a couple of times. Which brings me to the other issue, who is this for exactly? Fans of the games? But these games came out several years ago, the fans are now all in their 20’s. But the movie is very clearly made with kids in mind who are going to see this. The movie is even too afraid to do what this franchise is famous for, cheap jump scares. To make things even more insulting, the movie just ends, I guess they do have several end credit scenes, but I can’t for the life of me remember if I watched them or not.
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