An excerpt from Reals’ script review for So Help Me God which will be available 07/14/18:
What Needs Work
— Pg. 1 – We don’t need the D.A.’s name if the writer is just going to refer to him as D.A. throughout the script.
— Pg. 9 – 10 – I’m not a big fan of Mark and Karen being together already. It automatically cuts any flirty dialogue and will-they-or-won’t-they tension.
— Pg. 19 – 20 – Thinking from a Production Standpoint (and a page-count standpoint) there is absolutely no reason for us to walk from the Outer Office to the Inner Office and right back again to the Outer Office in less than two pages.
— Pg. 24 – I’ve said it before and I will say it again: I hate dream sequences. They add nothing to the plot, are a waste of space and seem like a lazy way to insert a jump scare into a slow plot.
— Pg. 32 – I’m confused here – are we not supposed to know it is a multiple personality disorder? Or is that going to be our midpoint twist and then we have more reveals to come?
— Pg. 36 – Ok, here is the Multiple-Personality Reveal – that is good. I was worried that the author would try to hide that until the end.
— Pg. 47 – I can’t help but feel a supernatural or horror element introduced or hinted at earlier might have been far more effective to helping us from the transition of grounded courtroom drama to supernatural horror story. It could have even been somewhere in the opening case, but that case is never mentioned again.
— Pg. 63 – If this romance had been expanded on or fleshed out, then him asking her to move out might have more emotional impact. As it is, however, we hardly know them as a couple and Karen literally has dropped out of the script for large chunks of time.
— Pg. 71 – Because we have waited around so long, we literally had to skip over half of the trial (the entire prosecution’s argument) to keep the story moving.
— Pg. 76 – The Demon came out much too easily. Build it up, have him hide out and then, right before sentencing, have Mark trick him and the Demon emerges and shocks everyone.
— Pg. 109 – Maybe I missed it, but isn’t killing yourself just as bad as being put to death by the state? I just don’t understand how that would save Newgate from the Demon’s grasp.
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