An excerpt from my script review for Red Palms (Unproduced Action script) which will be available 07/17/24:
2.) Plot Stability
My biggest issue here was that it took too long to get Tommy and Cooper back to Cuba to rescue Maria.
The best comparison I can make is Commando.
Remember how Arnold had to save Alyssa Milano from the Special Forces guys on the island, but when you watch the film that’s really only like the last 30 minutes of shit blowing up?
The whole first half is him trying to avoid being killed in an airport with the help of Cindy, the student pilot/flight attendant?
The difference is that movie had a bunch of action in the first half…this one?….didn’t.
And that could have easily been fixed.
Give us a shorter intro of fleeing Cuba, then flash forward 9 years to Tommy getting a job with Cooper.
Tommy gets the job…next scene we celebrate Luis’s letter being published.
The alley sequence happens and bub-bye Luis, and then we’re on a whirlwind ride heading back to Cuba.
Although long, the opening was exciting. My criticism was with the whole Gustavo thing…it doesn’t really pay off other than Luis eventually having to tell Elena (nine years later) that her brother was a traitor.
Robles infiltrating the freedom fighters in Miami was good, but I’m curious how he made it into the US without raising eyebrows.
Once we get back to Cuba, more than half the script later, the boat being destroyed is a good “no turning back now” moment.
After that, I had to suspend my disbelief.
How does Cooper blend in so well as a white guy in Cuba? Sure he speaks Russian, but would that be enough when you’re riding in the back of farmers’ trucks and not acting like an elite Russian?
The other issue was new characters would be introduced, only to die later for Tommy and Cooper.
(Hi Lina. Bye Lina.)
They didn’t know Tommy or Cooper, and is “rescuing your sister” really a noble enough cause to sacrifice one’s life willy nilly?
The largest issue was that by the time we get to Cuba the script becomes too rushed.
It’d be much better to dedicate at least two thirds of the story to Tommy and Cooper making their way through the jungles and villages to find Maria.
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