An excerpt from my script review for the Wednesday Netflix Series which will be available 01/30/23:
4.) Dialogue and Description
This is one of the things that stands out about the project…the tone.
Even if you don’t have the rights to an existing intellectual property, you can still write in a tone that catches a reader’s eye right off the bat.
Page 2:
As American as Hostess Cupcakes and the NRA.
That’s a funny, and conflicting, line right there. Loved it.
Page 2:
WEDNESDAY (V.O.)
I’m not sure whose twisted idea it
was to put hundreds of adolescents
in underfunded schools run by
people whose dreams were crushed
years ago, but I admire the sadism.
That’s Wednesday’s first line in the series, and just brilliant.
With these two entries you’re setting the tone early on for your abilities, but also your main character.
Fantastic.
Begin like this in your own writing, and it’s almost guaranteed that the reader will finish the entire script.
That’s a hard hurdle to get over, considering professional readers’ time is short.
Page 24:
Wednesday and Bianca spar like Jedi, while their classmates watch, mesmerized.
Another good line.
My one critique for this section is that I could have done with just a tad more examples like this.
You certainly don’t want to overdo things, but I feel like the writer started off really strong, and although none of it is bad, there could have been a few more clever bits or analogies that carried this tone to the end.
Then some of the other bits that are good, but too long to type out (since we can’t copy/paste).
Page 18 – Having a fight with Morticia telling Wednesday she’s saying mean things, Wednesday mentions something about Morticia “not having a heart” which in Addams lingo is taken as a compliment.
Good to keep these kinds of expectation reversals going.
Page 23 – Here was one time I don’t think the writer got it right…using the phrase” eye fuck” in terms of Bianca and Wednesday sizing each other up. “Eying one another” or “glaring at each other”…sure it’s not as fancy but I think “eye fuck” conjures a different sort of situation than we’re looking for.
(Having just googled it, the first result does seem to imply how it’s used in the script, but every other entry after that means what I thought it means.)
Page 29 – Loved Wednesday’s banter with Thing, especially implying how vain he is, because his being locked in a drawer all semester would lead to dry skin.
Page 37 – Decent throwaway gag about “drip coffee” being for those who have given up, and a guy looking ashamed as he sets the coffee pot back down. Builds both Wednesday’s disdain for society, but also shows how sharp her wit cuts into mankind.
Page 53 – A callback to the original theme song, I enjoyed the “spooky vs kooky” lines.
All of this worked well, and I look forward to continuing the binge with my daughters to see where the show goes.
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Love the notes! Do you have the Wednesday pilot script available for viewing? In process of writing a spec script and it would be amazing to read the entire script. I found the first page online, but that’s it. Anything you have to send my way would be greatly appreciated!
Apologies, but that’s more of a forums question.