It looks like 2023 was the year for bad movies. And it was the year of movies that people loved and for some reason I hated. But really that could be said with almost every year I sit down to make one of these lists.
I’m back again with the gimmick of doing the amount of movies with what year it is. That year, 2023, therefore 23 movies.
Could I list a total of 2000 and 23 bad movies? Probably, but that might mean I’d have to subject myself to films like Sound of Freedom and Lady Ballers. Believe it or not, even I have my limits.
So here are the 23 worst films that I did subject myself to.
WORST MOVIES OF 2023
23. The Squad
This movie is so bad I didn’t think it deserved to even be on my worst list. But I need to make this to 23 movies, so here it is. Someone watched Spring Breakers and thought, hey this is bad, but is there a way we can make it even worse? And possibly cheaper looking. If that was the mission they set out on, oh boy did they succeed. First, they couldn’t even get this thing longer than an hour and 18 minutes. The acting might possibly be the worst I have ever seen in my life. The writing perfectly accompanies it, as it might be some of the worst writing EVER. The plot makes absolutely zero sense. It’s so nonsensical I really don’t think I can appropriately tell you what it’s about. But hell, I’ll try. A group of hot bimbos who are hitmen or special agents maybe are trying to take out a drug kingpin, but it’s a trap maybe? If you’re in the mood for a good laugh, try reading the reviews on its IMDB page, where clearly the director used a bunch of fake accounts to rate his shitty movie a bunch of 10’s. Like this movie couldn’t get any more pathetic. They found a way!
22. Scream VI
I decided to add the horror movies one after another, as they are all equal in how bad they are. I like the Scream films, they do seem to be making the same movie over and over again, but the legacy characters are a joy to watch. However, these new characters, I hate every one of them. And in this installment, the only thing new they did was move the setting to a city. The twists are lame and predictable. The motivations for the killers, because there’s always more than one killer, was just lame. The only thing this one had going for it was how violent it was to previous films, but for some reason it’s a movie terrified of killing any of its new characters, so no one dies. It had a nice setup, but it did what all these movies do and just becomes another retelling of the last film again.
21. Saw X
Oh boy does this movie suck. We spend half the movie with Jigsaw, as he is our hero now, as he gets scammed by a bunch of fake doctors who claim they can cure his brain tumor. He then captures all of them, putting them through horrific challenges that they seem to win at but lose on a technicality because they were a millisecond too late. The punishments are also wildly uneven, as the guy just administering the anesthesia has to cut pieces of his own brain out. While the lady in charge of everything has to choose to kill her boyfriend or not? Who I might add, she was going to kill anyways! And the trap they were put in was just gas filling a room, with them having to put their heads through a hole in the wall. Anything happen to them if they pick a wrong hole? No, they’re fine. They even get away with it, with Jigsaw leaving them alive. The main one that orchestrated this whole thing and took his money gets to live unpunished! Please let this franchise die if they can’t do anything new or interesting with it.
20. It’s a Wonderful Knife
I liked the concept, but man did they fumble the ball on this one. It’s a movie that gets dumber and dumber as it goes along. I guess you could call it a gay horror movie, as the brother who dies is gay, the main character’s aunt is a lesbian and out of nowhere they make our lead also a lesbian. There was no hints or setup for it, it just comes out of nowhere and it leaves you slightly puzzled by the whole thing. Aside from that, the plot like I said is dumb as hell. It quickly starts to unravel, making no sense whatsoever and by the end, it was clear they didn’t know what the hell they were doing. Something to do with mind control? The big climax is on a tiny stage, the townsfolk are brainwashed zombies and the lead and her new girlfriend just punch him a few times. The end. Man does this one suck!
19. The Exorcist: Believer
I hate exorcism movies; I find them super lame and not scary whatsoever. Plus, they are literally all the same and by same, I mean they’re all The Exorcist. The only thing this had going for it was this is an actual Exorcist movie sequel. But they managed to even screw that up. Must be the damn patriarchy again! A line from the movie. It is an Exorcist sequel, however it’s a sequel made in 2023, so it needs to be politically correct and all inclusive, and we can’t just have roman Catholics, we need to include all religions like it’s the Super Friends! Nothing really happens in this movie, and I mean nothing. The film eventually realizes this and starts killing some characters off, one. They kill one person off. Unless you count one of the possessed girls. That also made no sense either but that’s a whole other story. Speaking of not making sense, at one point a character spits pea soup at them, but I don’t remember anyone actually eating pea soup. They also plan on trying to make this a new trilogy, but they do nothing to set one up. Not a believer!!
18. The Pope’s Exorcist
Oh boy, here we go again. This one was so bad, it took about 5 tries to get through it. I dozed off the first time 30 minutes in and woke up with the end credits rolling. Second time, same thing. Third time I got a bit further in but nothing was grabbing my attention, because like a majority of these movies, nothing happens. A lot I think maybe depends on how serious you take possessions; I find it silly and couldn’t be scared by it if it tried. And this movie really doesn’t try. It’s made even worse since this is another “based on a true story”, to trick you into thinking this is all real. About as real as the satanic symbol the film stole from a videogame.
17. Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre
The only thing this has going for it is Jason Statham. Without him this would be pretty much unwatchable. Aubrey Plaza is just absolutely terrible, with zero chemistry with anyone in this. Until now I completely forgot Guy Ritchie directed this shit pile. This has been a terrible year for some directors. With him to Michael Mann, to Robert Rodriguez with Hypnotic, which didn’t make the worst list, saved by movies much more deserving.
16. Fool’s Paradise
I love Charlie Day, like I love him. But there is no excusing this movie. I think I see what he was going for, a satire on the Hollywood system and how actors are treated, but it really does not work, as everything seems to be done purposely wrong. Down to the acting, the jokes, the writing, everything seems to be bad on purpose.
15. Rebel Moon: Part One – A Child of Fire
The opening scene of a vagina in space opening for a dick shaped spaceship to pass through is all you really need to know for how badly this movie is going to go. It was like a hodgepodge of different stuff, all tossed together. It’s Warhammer 40K, it’s Seven Samurai, it’s Star Wars, what else am I missing? Dune? It’s a bloodless, dull retelling of shit you’ve already seen before. It had nothing new to offer that even something like The Chronicles of Riddick has already done. I am not looking forward to the second part, but I doubt anyone is. Not even his fanbase seem thrilled about this movie.
14. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Nothing happens in this movie. Nothing. And when it finally does, the movie just cuts off. Another half a movie that came out in 2023. Hopefully this trend ends very soon because it is really starting to piss me off. The animation seems to have gotten even more jerkier and harder to watch, like trying to watch a movie that hasn’t finished downloading yet. For a movie where nothing happens plot wise, so much is being built up. Plots that get built up then forgotten about or moved aside for yet another plotline that never goes anywhere because again, this is only half a movie. Everyone seems to love this movie, but I downright hated it. It bored me to tears because nothing was happening. Nothing was moving the story forward at all. I honestly could not care less about the second half. Will they wrap up the five other plotlines in part 2? Doubtful.
13. Ferrari
If for some bizarre reason you want to watch a movie where you didn’t care about a single thing in it, Michael Mann’s Ferrari is the movie for you. The only reason anyone would be interested in watching this would be for the racing, right? Well, that doesn’t happen until 90 minutes into the movie. Even then it is filmed in the most boring way possible. You also don’t know who these racers are, so you don’t care whatsoever. The character Ferrari is no better, we learn nothing about the guy other than he’s an asshole with a secret family. Then there’s the horrific car crash, that is so incredibly graphic, it shocks you awake as it seems to come out of nowhere.
12. Leave the World Behind
I was really looking forward to this one. But my first hint this was going to be disappointing, should have been that it’s a Netflix original. They aren’t exactly known for their good movies. And this movie does nothing to really break that trend. If anything, it proves it. Nothing about this movie I liked. Maybe the style, but the acting and writing is so bizarre, like if they used wooden marionettes instead of real people. And then there’s the plot. This feels like half a movie. It has a very clear first act and a second act, but just as things are starting to get moving, it ends. There’s no third act to this movie. A lot of this is just characters standing around, distrustful of each other, that never really goes anywhere. And apparently, it’s faithful to the book, as it ends in the same unsatisfying way. I should have paid closer attention to the comments when the trailer dropped, as many who read the book were warning you how bad it was going to be. It taught me a valuable lesson though, never be excited about a Netflix movie. Ever. They made like one good movie with Elijah Wood called I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore back in 2017 and that was it.
11. The Super Mario Bros. Movie
Proof that fanboys will love anything as long as you pander to them. I hated this movie, it was so halfassed and yet it gets so much praise. Just look at the Jack Black Peaches song. He literally just dicked around on the piano, not even trying to stay in character and he’s performing it at award shows now. Christ Pratt, I have no idea what accent he’s doing but it sure as hell isn’t Mario. Everything else is just remember this from the games! You’re 40 now but you still love Super Mario, so we’ll pander to you, so you’ll mindlessly clap at the thing you know. The movie isn’t funny, its story isn’t interesting, the animation was okay for Illumination, but that isn’t saying much. And of course, they’ll fart out another sequel, most likely featuring even more stuff you know from the games to get you chimps clapping again! But I digress. Not a good movie.
10. Five Nights at Freddy’s
I wasn’t aware the games actually had a story or lore to it; I just thought it was a guard trying to survive the night from these robots. So, I guess I missed some of the lore when I reviewed the movie. Like for example Freddy isn’t the bear that came to get the kid, that was some other bear. Huh? I guess if you’ve played the games, maybe that makes more sense. However, just based on the movie itself, I found it very lacking. It isn’t at all scary, they don’t even really try to make it scary. The cheapest way to do that is with jump scares and they don’t even do that. I didn’t expect it to be gory, this is geared towards children, but the games are nothing but jump scares. The plot is idiotic to say the least. About a guy that needs to dream to find information about his missing brother. All while looking after his much much younger sister who should have been his daughter. There just wasn’t much to keep my interest. It’s way too long and boring and the plot doesn’t make any sense.
9. Bottoms
It’s a teen sex comedy like Superbad, actually just like Superbad. Except it isn’t funny and the leads are lesbians instead of horny dudes. I was watching this thinking to myself… Wait is this their attempt at comedy? Is this what they think comedy is? Nothing in this is funny. They try really hard to make you think what you’re watching is funny, but the lack of any response other than boredom or cringe is telling you otherwise. The two main leads are terribly unlikable. Not an ounce of likability between the two of them. They’re awful, and their goal to trick straight girls into having sex with them is also bizarre. Like say this movie was about a couple of straight dudes that wanted to use a fake self-defense class for women to sleep with lesbians, that would be weird, right? Just a cringy mess, that they then try to wrap in this female empowerment message like a crutch, trying to keep it upright as it falls and stumbles around.
8. Asteroid City
I do enjoy Wes Anderson films, I do. But lately he’s been doing this style where he mostly just makes stage plays, in a film format. And it just doesn’t work. Or at least it doesn’t work for me. This is a play, but also, it’s telling the story of the author and the stage actors in it. But also told as a stage play. It gets very muddled at times, with no real direction as most of the “story” takes place in a small town. And by town, I mean it has like two buildings. Our characters this time around seem like rehashed characters from previous Wes Anderson films, but way more unlikable. It missed its mark with almost everything it did, and it bored me to tears, waiting for it to just be over. And then it just ends, nothing really learned or gained. Everything felt so pointless. Just a pointless movie about nothing. Arguably maybe the worst film Wes Anderson has ever made.
7. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
I love Indiana Jones, but this, I don’t know who or what this is. Rumors about this movie started way before production even started. Rumors about how Indy was going to die. About him getting replaced about midway into the film and have his granddaughter rewrite his legacy. The list of terrible things about this film were a mile long. Now thankfully a lot of that never came true. Or at least in the theatrical cut, as from what even more rumors say, this thing went through extensive reshoots, one of which did have Indy dying and had Phoebe Waller-Bridge filling in for him. Her role apparently was also cut down, a lot of her lines mainly being jokes about how old Indy is, which angered Ford during the making. Her character is utterly unlikable in this, and wished they just did what Aquaman 2 did with Amber Heard. Cut her scenes out down to the bare minimum. The plot is absolute garbage, Indy is a broken, bitter shell of a man, and that doesn’t really change at all through the movie. His wife left him, his son is dead, like Christ on a cracker, it’s like they want you to wish he dies in the end just to put him out of his misery. The film is essentially about time travel, they even setup all these scenarios where going back in time to change things might be a plot point, but nope. It never is. They instead go to ancient Roman times and Indy wants to stay to die but is forced back to live out more of his miserable existence. This movie should have never of been made and makes Crystal Skull seem great in comparison. Just pretend like this film doesn’t exist, there were only ever 3 Indiana Jones films. Period. Don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise.
6. Expend4bles
This was the movie even Stallone was like, nah, I think I’ll sit this one out. His character goes away not even halfway into the movie, and it officially becomes Jason Statham’s movie. Sometimes that can be enough to get you through it, however there is more wrong with this movie other than Sylvester Stallone bailing. A majority of this movie just feels cheap. At one point the movie only takes place on a ship. And we stay there the whole damn rest of the movie They touted in the trailers how R rated this one was going to be, so much R rated action. That mostly meant a lot of really bad CGI gore. But hey, I’ll take that over the bloodless PG-13 ones. Another strange thing I noticed, a lot of bad green screen. Not just in action sequences, but with character standing around talking. This never should have been in theaters. It had this cheap straight to video feel to it, like those straight to video sequels they used to make, usually of Stallone films. If you thought there was only one Escape Plan movie, you’d be very wrong.
5. Barbie
It was funny to see this marketed as a couple’s movie, something to go see with your boyfriend or girlfriend, yet this might be the most unromantic film ever made. Barbie treats Ken like complete shit throughout the entire movie, who has been nothing but caring and supportive of her. Barbie on the other hand, our main character is so unlikable, you absolutely root for Ken in this, who they portray as the villain. Ken who dares to give his fellow Kens rights like living in a house instead of on the streets. The messaging is so bizarre, it seems like it was setup for something these characters could learn from and grow, but no. In the end things just go back to normal with Kens being basically slaves. And I guess we are meant to root for that? Men are mostly portrayed as evil and toxic, with the ideal only “good” male being the beta Ken played by Michael Cera. Ryan Gosling is literally the only thing that saves this movie. He is fantastic and unlike Barbie, you care about his character and his motivations. I don’t even really understand what Barbie’s goal is in this movie or what her motivations really are. To be normal like the rest of the Barbies? But in the end out of nowhere she chooses to be human and have a period? What? She goes to the real world because… the patriarchy is oppressing America Ferrera and her terrible bitchy daughter? Will Ferrell wants to put Barbie in a box and ship her back to Barbieland, and she fights against that even though that is what she wants? Huh? The plot makes absolutely zero sense but at least it had Ryan Gosling to save it.
4. The Marvels
Man has Marvel fallen. They’re basically a shell of a studio now, shitting out some of the worst superhero movies, making DC look good. The Marvels really takes the cake with a sequel absolutely no one cared about or wanted to see. First issue, two of the main characters are from tv shows, so like many, if you didn’t watch those shows, you are going to have no clue who these people are. I’m referring to Monica Rambeau, which is pronounced like Rambo, last seen on WandaVision. And Kamala Khan as Ms. Marvel seen on her terrible series that I could only stomach an episode of. It was geared towards teen girls, just had absolutely nothing in there for me, so I did my one episode and bailed. She uses this Bengal bracelet, which I assumed gave her powers, but I guess it doesn’t as she can still do stuff without it… The plot is so generic and dumb. The three of them including Carol Danvers can’t use their powers at the same time without swapping positions for some reason that is never explained. Except it is only at times that is convenient for the plot. And then there’s the singing and dancing planet and then the bizarre subplot with the cats… this thing is a giant mess and was like writers asking, what do girls like? I know, dancing and kittens! The villain is also awful, doing this grimace, teeth barring thing for the camera which looks hilarious. Eternals might still be worse, I don’t know. They seem pretty much at the same level of unwatchability.
3. Saltburn
Another movie by another terrible director. Her last and only other movie was Promising Young Woman, which I found to be garbage. And I believe popped up on my worst list of 2020. Well, she’s at it again with this hot garbage. The major issues with this is the writing, the same issues Promising Young Woman had. The character motivation here is nonexistent. A very bad thing considering the outcome of the movie. We have no idea why this guy is doing anything that he does in this. Zero. Maybe if his backstory wasn’t a lie, what he did might have made sense, however it was all fabricated, so nothing he did really added up. Other than I guess he just be crazy, yo. Which is a boring motivation to have for your character. If that’s all we get behind his character, he be crazy, I find it hard to really care at all with what is going on. It’s also very predictable as you know what is going to happen, but you find yourself asking why, which this film doesn’t really seem to have an answer to.
2. Beau Is Afraid
The only movie I liked from this director was Midsommer, so I suspected maybe I wasn’t going to like this one. And at first, I was into it. I enjoyed the setup; I liked the visuals. I got what he was doing, and I was going along with the ride. That is until it hits a brick wall. Around the end of the second act… or this film didn’t seem to have a three-act structure, so around the part where he gets lost in the woods and the film becomes a stage play. That’s when things dive off a cliff. Not that this section was just bad, it was filler and filler that goes on for what seems like an hour, at this runtime, maybe it was an hour. This section will 100% be the stopping point for many who watch this. And the film never manages to recover as it gets more incoherent and messy. This might possibly be Ari Aster’s worst film. Who reminds me a lot of Richard Kelly, the guy behind Donnie Darko. Who then followed that up with Southland Tales, a movie that shares a lot of similarities with Beau Is Afraid. One has cars having sex, another has a giant penis monster, both are awful movies. Richard Kelly also hasn’t worked in 15 years, so we’ll see how Ari Aster’s career fairs after this dumpster fire.
1. Mafia Mamma
I was dumbfounded while watching this. How can something this bad, this terrible, this stupid, this embarrassing ever get made? It truly boggles the mind. I don’t really know where to even begin as almost every inch of this “movie” is some of the worst you have ever seen. The acting is atrocious, like something you’d find at a school play. The writing is so bad, it feels like a spoof of itself. Like they purposely meant to write something as bad as they can for a dare or a joke. The plot is so stupid that it will drop your IQ just for being in the same vicinity of it playing. Remember the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back? Picture the plot of that but add in the most cartoonish mobsters since seen in Corky Romano. Anyone remember that gem? This movie makes that seem like a cinematic masterpiece. Toni Collette plays a housewife that leaves her cheating husband to go to Italy after finding out some relative she has never heard of has died. When she gets there, expecting to just hook up with hot Italian men, like How Stella Got Her Groove Back, she learns that she is now for some convoluted reason the head of a mafia group currently at war with another mob group. Then there’s this whole other side plot about the gross wine at their mob front winery is making. Which eventually just becomes the plot. It stops being about the mafia or a price put on her head and starts focusing mainly on the damn winery! I have no idea who this was even for. It’s set up like a wine mom movie, but then it sprinkles in violent scenes of folks getting their eyes gauged out or turned into mincemeat. This is hands down the worst film of 2023.
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