An excerpt from my script review for Spontaneous which will be available 10/12/20:
4.) Dialogue and Description
Set the tone for your genre, and set it early.
Never underestimate the power of a spec being a “quick read”!
If you utilize an engaging tone, and that leads to a reader mentally digesting your script in a short timeframe, even if your story isn’t necessarily for them they’ll more than likely be open to other ideas from you.
That’s important, folks!
Similar to my review of the Underwater script, Duffield nailed the tone.
Even better, the “hokey jokey” dialogue from my previous review actually worked here, being that this is a horror comedy.
Page 2:
INT. PRE-CALC CLASS – DAY
MARA is bored as unholy fuck.
Her teacher SPIROS drones on about some pre-calc bullshit.
All of Mara’s classmates share in her boredom, even the ones
that are kiss-ass assholes.
Only three lines in and we have a good understanding of what sort of trip we’re about to take.
This is good, and remember to have fun with your script.
The more fun you have (remember fun does not have to equal funny outside of a comedy) the more likely your reader will enjoy the read.
Page 49:
She stands, revealing she’s only in her bra-
Dylan is a fucking nice guy and he and the movie averts their
gaze. FUCK YOU PERVS. WE CLASSY HERE. THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE
DIRECTED BY MCG. WE’RE NOT FUCKING STUPID.
That’s funny. It’s a TEEN comedy, but not one that’s all hopped up on shots of tits and ass.
Page 51:
She’s high on painkillers and Xenu knows what else.
Ha! Scientology dig!
Page 61:
Yeah, we’re going there.
Okay, so I’m guessing Duffield isn’t a Trump fan.
Although humorous, you should avoid these types of political cameos (insults) in your script.
First, you’re potentially alienating 50% of an available audience.
Second, realistically you (or the director) won’t be able to get the real person so skip a throwaway joke if it’s not crucial to the plot.
Page 76:
A dope song from the eighties we can afford begins playing.
Fucking loved this line.
Too often writers cite specific songs (a sin this script commits in other portions by the way) that the production staff would never spend money on the rights to.
Here Duffield gives the “gist” of what he wants but makes practical fun of the fact the film will have a budget.
Being creative like this helps your reader enjoy your story.
(Remember, you’re not just there to entertain them via expensive explosions!)
Want EARLY access to our videos, uploads, and movie/script reviews? Members get them FIRST! Follow this link to our Discussion Forum.
