An excerpt from my script review for November Man which will be available 9/1/14:
3.) Quality of Characters
After what had to be missing plot, there were missing character relationships.
Devereaux and Mason had the most established relationship, this is me being generous, and I enjoyed their master/pupil banter, but again, it was unclear what the real issues were between them ultimately.
This probably goes hand in hand with the plot, but I won’t go too much into it.
I’m reminded of a post a LONNNNNGGG time ago on the forums here where someone said take every character you have in your script and give them AT LEAST one connection to another character.
This strengthens your script, and builds plot.
I would have loved to have known EXACTLY what stick Mason had stuck up Devereaux’s ass, but unfortunately we’re left guessing as there’s a greater need to give them off the wall “scenarios” to talk through.
Mason and Sarah
This relationship never really blossomed aside from a steamy one night session that ended in the morning with Sarah almost bleeding out thanks to Devereaux.
It would have been a lot cooler if there was more of a build-up to this.
We see her first in the hall, as Mason’s one night stand from the night before leaves.
Then her next onscreen appearance, she’s jumping into bed with him since he picked the lock on her apartment?
Silly, especially since it’s established that Mason’s a player, and Sarah knows this.
Devereaux and Alice
Same thing here.
About the time that Devereaux muttered something about, “This is the way the world works, and I like it,” I kind of knew any serious character relationships were just a pipe dream.
Alexa
Pandering to the male demographic.
Federov wanted to get to Alice/Marina, but Alexa really only seems to be in the script as a hotter version of Trinity we get to see dressed provocatively while she kicks some ass.
Point – You want us to CARE about the characters you present to us.
If we aren’t rooting for your main character (me, I kind of thought Devereaux was a dick), you’re not doing your job.
Want the full review? Follow this link to the November Man Analysis.
And be sure to check out our Notes Service, where I give my detailed thoughts and suggestions on your script.
Actually they do establish the relationship between Mason and Deveraux with the intro. He was a hot headed disobedient student. He screws up twice in the intro and probably has messed up before this as well since that was his student. Sarah the neighbor did feel pointless and that whole scene was just there to bite off of Taken again! To be fair it did show how Mason still didn’t learn and how’s he still not as good as Deveraux. Alexa was the assassin right? She did seem kinda pointless but she did help spur some drama/action scenes though I can’t really see how she was pandering. I can maybe see the argument when she’s stretching in the hotel but she was never running around in anything skimpy or nude and was hardly a conventional beauty like they usually use for those fapbait roles. Still I agree with your other points, it wasn’t a bad fil overall IMO. But not anywhere near Bourne levels which seems to be the standard for the genre.