An excerpt from Reals’ Fresh Blood 2022 script review for The Lock-In which will be available 12/04/22:
What Worked
The White Space – There’s was lots of white space and the read went very quickly, which was good,
In addition to this, the script is only 91 pages (which includes the Bloodlist cover and the title page), so it didn’t drag.
The Opening Scene – Truly, if you are going to take anything away from this read, I would recommend taking a look at the shocking first 10 pages of this script.
It depicts a seemingly-normal family who are brutally attacked by a stranger. It is effective, short, sweet, and it sucked me in immediately.
The Characters – I liked that all of the kids seemed to have individual voices and I did come to care about them.
This is good, especially as many horror scripts these days seem to discount this vitally important component of storytelling with the (very flawed) assumption that horror fans only want to see gore and gratuitous nudity.
The Lock-In – It takes awhile for us to get to the lock-in (Page 41) but once we do, things really pick up and “The Promise of the Premise” as Blake Snyder calls it, is well executed.
Some Dialogue – Some dialogue didn’t work for me (mostly the slang between the young people, but maybe I am just too crusty and old to know what’s “hip” these days… by these days I mean in 2009 when the story primarily takes place), but I really liked one line in particular.
On Page 40, after Maalik has been startled by a vision of “The Shadow” –
MAALIK
(deep sigh)
Shit. Sorry, bro. I thought–
JAYLEN
It’s okay… De’yon told me everything.
Maalik shakes his head and retrieves his backpack from the floor.
JAYLEN (CONT’D)
Maalik, if you let this change you… She wins.
MAALIK
Well, then, maybe she wins.
Little moments like this are great – they give a real look into your characters and how the characters are feeling without relying on walls of description or exposition dumps.
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