An excerpt from my script review for Abigail (2024) which will be available 10/19/26:
2.) Plot Stability
Okay, first and foremost I’m just going to come right out and say it…
This script takes way too long to get to the vampire storyline.
Most of our time is spent with a group of child abductors stuck inside this creepy old hotel being suspicious of one another as they’re hunted by someone (or something) and picked off one by one.
The beginning felt like a cheap knockoff of The Shining, which one of the characters actually references.
That wasn’t good.
Sure this “locked in with a monster” generic idea works for horror in general, but the issue here is that the trailer lets us know that Abigail isn’t a normal little girl, and if not a vampire, she’s some type of hell spawn.
So lean into that!
(Especially when it’s later shown, in the script, that she’s the one doing the killing anyway.)
We’re led to believe it’s Sandor who’s doing the killing initially, which would be fine if you didn’t lead with the fact that the abducted little girl is a fucking vampire.
Back to my initial thought on the premise, I was excited to read it but unfortunately it took until page 70 or so before it’s even hinted at that Abigail isn’t what she seems, and most of the script became something I had to just power through for the sake of this review.
Don’t do that with your own writing, because professional readers don’t owe you a damn thing.
If you’re delivering this type of premise “unaware that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl” you better get to it at least by the midpoint if not earlier.
Want to “cat and mouse” your way around it for the first few pages, fine, but four or five criminals just standing around being suspicious of one another gets real old real fast.
And there was so much potential we missed out on!
First…these vampires follow the rule that if you’re bit and live, you turn!
That’s fun, but here it’s only used in the last five pages or so with Frank.
Why not “fun and games” your way with one of the bad guys earlier?
Second…you tell us she’s a ballerina a million fucking times, but all we get is the outfit?
She’s been alive for hundreds of years practicing this art…and we don’t even get some creepy fucking scene where she’s using these skills against her victims?
Apparently there was a scene in the film like this, although I’d argue it could have been creepier and less trying to be Wednesday dance.
Overall there were some missed opportunities with this story, and maybe the original idea was to keep Abigail’s true nature a secret instead of just leaning into it.
(Personally, I think leaning into it was the better angle.)
One last thing to note, the ending goes on way too long for what this story is.
Abigail chases Frank and Sammy. Frank fights Sammy. Abigail fights Frank to save Sammy. Frank dies…Sammy escapes Abigail…or does she?! I just really didn’t care at this point, and this one could easily be under 100 pages.
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