An excerpt from my script review for Me Him Her which will be available 03/29/16:
4.) Dialogue and Description
The lines of description in his scripts are enjoyable for me.
Max Landis has a fun style to his writing.
Okay maybe less so in this than American Ultra, but it still had an example or two.
Page 15:
INT. GAY BAR – MOMENTS LATER
Lights flash, music blasts, and it’s a great time; fuck it,
YOU want to be at this club.
Page 99:
They fight literally throughout the entire party as they
argue; swordfight choreography is hard as fuck to write out
in script form though, so just trust that there’s awesome
shit happening this whole time and pay attention to what
they’re saying.
The go to “I’m too cool to write action” line!
The dialogue unfortunately was hit or miss, but with comedy being subjective, what didn’t work for me may work for other readers.
The Hits
Page 5:
CORY (CONT’D)
You live in West Hollywood, isn’t
that like, the gay place-
BRENDAN
No but- I didn’t- I didn’t move
here because I was gay, I wasn’t
gay yet-
CORY
You were always gay-
BRENDAN
I just moved here because…
Page 20:
GABBI
Now you’re buying me drinks?
CORY
No, I’m handing you a drink, and
then you’re handing me money.
Capitalism.
Page 28:
GABBI
Oh my god- that feels so- that
feels so- weird-
Her first time with a guy, no one wants to hear “weird” when describing how the sex is going.
Page 69:
CORY
Hey, I don’t know if you’re even
gonna get this, with the reception
up here, but….Yeah, what I did,
what I’ve been doing is messed up,
and I know you’re like “fuck Cory”
this’n’that but…I don’t know, But
I…I’m unhappy, dude. After
college I had all these plans and
ideas about what I was gonna do,
and who I was gonna be, and they
all just kinda fell apart.
(beat)
Remember when I applied to all
those jobs out here, and I didn’t
get any of them? Well that did
something to me, you don’t even
know.
(beat)
I think I got scared. I got scared
that I’d come out here, and just be
three steps behind you, just
another part of your famous guy
entourage, and I got afraid, and I
bailed, I bailed because I was
scared of being…I don’t know,
nobody? Back home, at my job, I’m
somebody. I was too scared to
start all over again.
(beat)
I don’t know. This trip has been
nuts. I love you, man. We’re
gonna work it out.
(beat)
Calllll me.
This “real” moment when we find out what’s going on with Cory. (Semi alluded to throughout the plot that Cory isn’t “happy”.)
Page 84:
BRENDAN
(long beat)
You knew I was gay?
MRS. EHRLICK
Yes honey!
BRENDAN
WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!?
The Ehrlicks exchange a look.
MR. EHRLICK
Why didn’t we tell you you were
gay?
Not over the top humorous, but at least this particular gag was consistent.
The Misses
Page 23 – Cory and Gabbi talking nonsense about how they imagine forming bands and writing songs. No one cares.
Page 41:
Gabbi begins quickly backing out of the ocean, but then backs
into a GIANT PENIS looming on the beach.
GIANT PENIS
RAAAHHHH I’M A PENIS!!!
Really?
Page 46 – “As you know, Cory, my parents wanted me to be”…Of course Cory knows, but we have to suffer through it because Brendan is dumping expo on our chests. Use a bit of subtext and have us enter right in the middle of an uncomfortable brunch with Brendan’s parents.
Page 48 – Cory trying to cheer Brendan up with song lyrics, unfortunately (and I’m not a super music buff) I didn’t get most of the references.
Page 95 – Lame party chat. Heather talking with Gabbi. Gabbi breaking up with Cory. So much whiney millennial BULLSHIT. #FirstWorldProblems
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