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Me Him Her…And the Cap’n!


The Captain gives his thoughts on Max Landis’s directorial debut! Will he like it?

I’m gay for this movie! I loved it. But I know there are some who will hate it. And I can completely understand that.

It might be a generational thing. Come to find out, me and Max Landis are pretty much the same age. Him being born in ’85, and me in ‘84.

Max Landis gets a lot of hate, I do think a majority of that comes from jealousy. We all want what he has. I mean, only about 1% ever get here. And you look at his less than stellar filmography and you think, this guy? I’m better than this guy!

What I do think he excels at is giving you high concept film ideas, told in a very interesting manner. A gritty buddy cop film, but his partner is an orc! It’s Jason Bourne if Jason Bourne was a neurotic stoner! It’s an unorthodox love story with a giant penis attacking people! Wait… what?

So that brings us to Me Him Her. Max ain’t got no time for no &’s in this story. We got texts and tweets to send out, we ain’t got no time for any of that AND shit.

Brendan is gay. For some reason he is just now realizing this. Unfortunately, he is also the star of a tv series. Which I’m still trying to figure the plot to. They’re like time traveling detectives… or ninjas… or pirates… There’s also a ton of gay innuendo in the show. Hell, the name of the series is Hard Justice. Get it? Because dicks! His co-star is Haley Joel Osment, which this film needed waaaaay more of.

Haley Joel Osment has the funniest scene, with him on a treadmill, surrounded by cats, yelling on the phone with Brendan.

Are you totally fuckin’ gay right now? Hey! Get down off that table! Sorry, I’m yelling at my cats.

To help Brendo come out, he needs the support of his best friend Cory. They had planned to move out to LA together but Cory chickened out, choosing to stay back at their home town, working his safe but boring job.

Learning Cory actually had a day time job where he wore a tie to work every morning seemed like the most out of character thing about him. When Brendo calls him up, Cory is taking a shit, dressed like someone who taste tests pot brownies for a living. Not someone who crunches numbers or whatever the hell it was he did for a living.

So Cory agrees to fly to LA to support Brendan in coming out. Something he is finding difficult to do, even to his parents. Even though everyone he comes out to already knew. Even his agents.

What kickstarted this gay awakening in Brendan was this guy he met on the set of Hard Justice. They kissed now there’s no going back. With a little help from Cory, the two plan to meet up with Griffin, Brendan’s love interest, at a local well known gay club.

At this gay club is where we are introduced to Gabbi, played by Emily Meade who is about the cutest thing you have ever seen. She’s adorable in this, far from the screeching shrew that was Joey Lauren Adams in Chasing Amy. A film a lot are comparing this film to. A film I never liked. And a film I find to be a bit outdated and antiquated.

Gabbi just got broken up by her girlfriend of 2 years, Heather played by Angela Sarafyan who you might be more familiar with if you ever watched Twilight. I of course would never do such a thing… you believe me, right?

For some reason Gabbi also has a bunch of balloons. They’re either for her birthday or Heather’s. I forget which. Either way Gabbi finds out Heather has been cheating on her for years, almost since the day they met. So birthday or not, you can see why Gabbi is a bit upset.

Heather is also a psychopath. But more on that later!

Sulking and drinking away her blues, Gabbi runs into Cory at the bar. The two hit it off and wander off drunk to who knows where.

Brendan on the other hand is left behind, stepping into the gay club’s bathroom, turning into an ultra-gay hook up corner where everyone is doing drugs and having sex.

This shocks him, making him come running out of the club where the paparazzi are waiting to expose him.

Meanwhile, back with Gabbi and Cory, these two managed to find Gabbi’s car where they have sex. Her reaction being this is so… weird.

When they wake up, they go to the fair. Like you do. But as Cory is riding one of the rides, Gabbi starts to freak out a bit, abandoning him.

Of course now Brendan is a bit pissed at Cory for taking off and leaving him at the club he wasn’t all that comfortable with being at yet.

One thing I do want to bring up, the inside jokes this film sometimes tells. Like they might seem really funny to Max, but anyone not him or even outside his circle might find confusing. The fact every gay person in the film likes to order Jack and Coke with a shot of Jäger is kind of weird. Is that a thing? It’s brought up several times in the film and each time I just didn’t get it.

At times you also get random text on the screen. Like when Branden is spotted at the gay club and he says his name is Bronk Ozlaw. Did that really warrant text on the screen? It happens so sporadically throughout the film. I guess it was just a directorial choice. Oh, have I gone this far without mentioning this is also Max Landis’ first film as director? Well it is. He has even stated that this is more true to his writing than anything he has had produced before. So… take from that what you will.

After ditching Branden at the gay club, he tries to make it up to him by going wild at a gay parade, showing that he was the gay one, not Brendan.

Now it’s time to come out to his parents. Who are played by Scott Bakula and Geena Davis. But of course Cory spots Gabbi across the street and chases after her, abandoning Brendan once again.

One of the other funniest moments that I got a kick out of was when Brendan finally comes out to his parents. So after Cory and Gabbi kidnap him and drive him out into the desert, Brendan freaks out, rips off all his clothes, stands up on top of a cliff and yells kind of maniacally that he was gay this whoooole time! Saying in retrospect that yeah, things got kind of supervillainy.

I also enjoyed the quick line after they let him out of the trunk of the car. Brendan is freaking out, spots Gabbi and asks whose little boy are you? It’s a quick line but got a good laugh out of me.

As you can guess Gabbi is a bit confused now after sleeping with a guy for the first time. She’s also still very upset about Heather cheating and dumping her.

To see if it was just a drunken fluke, she and Cory have sex again. This time with no alcohol involved. Stating that she likes having sex with him way too much. But at this time you also see there’s more to these two’s relationship than just weird sex. They’re also friends who really like each other.

Oh, did I mention the giant penis before? Where you hoping I’d touch on that more? Well, sorry, you’ll just have to see the film. It’s only like $4 on Amazon, so check it out.

I highly recommend this film. It is quirky, kind of weird, funny, romantic and ends with an epic sword fight. Okay, I’ll skip a head and tell you about the sword fight at least.

Brendan’s show is having a premier party, where he comes out on the red carpet.

On a side note, I also want to point out that no major action film star has ever come out as gay. There are rumors of course, but not one has ever come out and admitted it. That I guess is a topic for another time.

Also invited to the party is Heather, Gabbi’s deranged ex. For some reason now that Gabbi is sleeping with someone else, she gives a damn about her.

Confiding in Cory during a little after sex cuddling, she explains that Heather has this hold over her. That she isn’t sure how she can let her go, even though she is the worst person possible. She’s afraid she’d come running back to her if she asked. And she needs help to stop her. After running into her at the party, that’s just what happens.

But Cory puts his big boy pants on, snapping Gabbi out of her low self-esteem Heather trance. And seeing as Brendan’s show is… again about pirates or ninjas… Swords are just lying around everywhere.

Commence sword fighting!

In the end Cory has done his job. He has helped his friend come out to the world and now it is time to leave. Not really putting labels or really understanding what it is he has with Gabbi, the two go their separate ways, both crying at the airport, her basically begging him not to leave.

Time goes by, Cory gets sick of working his 9 to 5 job, flies back to LA. Surprising Gabbi at the gay club, where she might be interested in this girl she was mean to at the beginning of the film. She now how a choice, him or her. And the film ends with her not really knowing what to do.

In the script it ends a bit less ambiguously, with Cory only sending a txt to her. And her basically replying yeah, let’s do this thing. And him jumping for joy in a freeze frame. I think I’d prefer that ending.

I do like the fact that never once do you think any of the characters are turned straight or turned gay. Sexuality is played very gray, not everything is always so black and white. The best real life example of this that I can really think of is the NY Mayor De Blasio’s wife. Who identified as a lesbian for most of her life. I’m not sure what she considers herself now, but does it really matter?

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