An excerpt from Reals’ script review for Preacher (2010) Unproduced John August which will be available 05/18/18:
What Worked
Lots of white space – that is great!
This is a cool line (and likely visual):
DEBLANC (V.O.) (CONT’D)
The Devil was the first to die.
TWO GUNSHOTS ring out like thunder.
Pg. 16 – Being dropped to the bottom of a river in a coffin is a terrifying thing – especially for a kid and makes for an effective scene.
HOWEVER – the writer could have upped the horror factor here and really kept us in a claustrophobic nightmare for awhile.
Pg. 39 –
EXT. ALLEY – DAY
The door is blocked by the bumper of a 2006 Toyota Corolla, despite a sign saying “ABSOLUTELY NO PARKING.”
This is nice! Never make it too easy on your characters.
Pg. 33 – If the entire story started here – with a woman vigilante who gets trapped in a cellar to a creepy sex-dungeon and has to fight her way out – I would be all-in on this story. This is new, creepy and gives me a character I like and want to see succeed/survive. However, since she is not our protagonist and we have wasted 33 pages really getting to this story, it doesn’t bode well for the actual script.
It’s kind of cool that Jessie can get people to do whatever he says when his eyes glow, but I wonder what weaknesses he has? It’s kind of like Superman, there’s nothing that can really hurt him now, so he’s never going to be in any real peril.
Pg. 91 – Only when Jody gets quite close does Jesse see why the Voice isn’t working. Blood trickles out of both of Jody’s ears.
This is an interesting obstacle, but is never capitalized on enough.
Pg. 73 – I did not see the killing of Tulip coming, but that is good! It motivates Jessie, surprised me and will drive our story forward until the end.
Pg. 90 – … a backwoods Houdini…
I like this line of description as it is short, but I can see what he is talking about.
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