An excerpt from Reals’ script review for Dagon by David Michael Quiroz, Jr. which will be available 11/26/18:
— I like that it is only 101 pages (including the Bloodlist cover page and the title page) – this is a good sign for a contained horror.
— I also like that it has a kind of “Call me Ishmael,” voiceover to start – it helps set the scene and gives a tone of what we are about to read/watch.
— I like that there is lots of white space on the page. This makes me happy and is the sign of an experienced writer.
— The hints of something horrifying are good – the creature’s bones, the ROAR of the monster – it’s a great way to build suspense and to keep your reader invested.
— It is interesting to have Sandoval be Latino, which seems to make him a target of ridicule from the other officers. The reason I am pointing this out is that it is good to build up conflicts between characters that will put context and more weight onto their decisions later.
— I do wish that Graham had survived a bit longer – could have been used to build up the interpersonal conflicts between the sailors.
— I also don’t really like that by page 30 we have already gotten a glimpse of the creature and then by page 42 we see the whole thing.
The reveal of the monster should have been built up until the end – we just need to know that there is something horrifying under the water which adds suspense and terror.
— I also like Flynn a lot – he’s by far my favorite character – who functions as our Scottie from Star Trek character.
— I really like the character of Madeline, but I wish she was given more to do in the story.
— I think it is too easy that bullets hurt the creature. Wouldn’t it be much more terrifying if this thing was impervious to (almost) everything that the sailors tried?
— Pg. 60 – It’s nice that the author introduces lots of conflicts for the crew – like an opposing warship, as if the sea monster wasn’t bad enough!
— Pg. 74 – I wish the Madeline reveal had been bigger – maybe she is a Monster Hunter or was out in the middle of the ocean doing something sinister, like planting mines for enemy boats to run into.
Maybe she is German and was actually planting mines to sink some Allied boats, but now the mines can be used to kill the creature.
Just some thoughts off the top of my head!
— Pg. 75 – This is a cool twist – the monster is luring boats in! I wish we had a sense of the thing’s intelligence before this, however.
— Pg. 84 – This is a personal note, but I don’t like that the monster rushes onto land and we get to see it running on the sand.
Maybe it is just me, but this seems like it could easily turn into something really silly and unintentionally funny visually and, more than that, honestly kind of ruins any mystery that the monster once had.
(And feel free to check out the other Fresh Blood Selects scripts.)
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