An excerpt from my script review for Unicorn Store which will be available 04/29/19:
3.) Quality of Characters
Following the line of thinking from above, as serious as some of these situations could have been for Kit, the author again chooses to employ a cheesy cast of stereotypes.
We get it, Kit is misunderstood, and slightly immature compared to other adults her age.
You can still utilize heartfelt moments of people misunderstanding where Kit’s coming from without the constant need for “gags” when characters interact.
Gladys and Gene are easily the world’s worst parents the way they treat their daughter, and instead of feeling like a “real” family dynamic, it comes across as how a spoiled teenager would bitch about his/her parents.
I was really hoping for more.
Sure there is the occasional interaction near the end where Gladys feels like a real mother, but by then it’s too late. We’re too many stupid one liners past anything salvageable.
(When the Salesman tells Kit the unicorn will need a loving family environment, I scoffed out loud, because it was impossible, but if the author wrote it into existence I’d have probably stopped reading.)
The budding relationship between Kit and Virgil wasn’t bad, but Kit felt so clueless that it’s certainly not going to serve as a counter argument for Ms. Larson in regards to people accusing her of a “wooden” performance in Captain Marvel.
And finally Gary.
I’m not sure if the author was sexually harassed at work and was grinding an axe, but boy was this guy a fucking grade A creep, and this individual would not only be unemployed, but may even be murdered with some of the shit he says.
Zero fucking mystery there either, and everyone could see Gary’s “true self” but Kit, and that’s a problem when you’re trying to make your main character likable.
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