An excerpt from my unproduced script review for The Jungle Cruise which will be available 08/09/21:
4.) Dialogue and Description
…Whatever you and that monster
are planning, you won’t catch
Captain Wolfe. He’s a master
mariner. He knows his boat like
it’s his own kin. With any luck,
he’s at the Tree already.
Listen, Indiana Jones and Star Wars influenced my tastes in movies as much as anybody, but being influenced and blatantly stealing are two different scenarios.
In my earlier writing, sure I included pop culture references, but looking back on it now, that comes off as silly and amateurish.
You should be writing strong dialogue that fits your story, with hopes that it’ll influence audiences of the next generation.
Contrast this with a line from page 22:
Wharf 94. We leave at nine. Don’t
show up early. I sleep in weekdays.
Wharf 94? That there’s an Easter egg folks. What other famous scallywag had his shipped docked at that particular number?
This one is clever, but make sure not to overuse the technique.
One of the things I was also glad to see was the writers included some of the cornier jokes from the ride.
Never thought I’d see the backside
The Disney parks have a lot of dedicated visitors who will expect to see some of these endearing elements blended into the story.
The trick as a writer is to make sure you don’t overdo it.
Otherwise, you risk getting a reaction like the fella on the right in this video.
The last issue is that some of the exchanges go on a bit too long.
Not quite as bad as my arguments for Jolt but at times characters did feel like they went on for no other reason than to have the last word.
Especially when we initially meet Trader Sam around page 54. His bit becomes borderline annoying.
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