The Gift – Another Film Ruined by The Cap’n?

Simon has just moved back in town with his lovely wife Robyn, played by Rebecca Hall. And really the movie focuses a lot on her. It also does its best to establish how baby hungry she is. Again, a giant dead giveaway there.

At like a bed bath and beyond type place, Simon runs into Gordo. A guy he knew from highschool. Gordo… let’s see, how to describe him. He didn’t come off as too weird to me. He mostly just seemed awkward. Like people who don’t really mean to be, but kind of just are.

Simon pretends he doesn’t really remember him, but Gordo sure seemed to. Now it makes me wonder if their meeting was planned by him or it was just a random encounter that set things in motion.
It also makes you wonder just how much of anything that happened was planned.

Gordo finds where they live and starts giving them gifts. Innocent enough. First a welcoming basket, then help setting up the cable to the TV, then a bit more extravagant by filling their koi pond with koi. Which if you didn’t know, are really damn expensive.

So, not the creepiest thing, right? I mean, that’s a pretty big gift to give someone. But Simon just isn’t having any of this. It might have some to do with the fact Gordo always seems to show up at the house when Simon’s wife Robyn is home alone.

And sure, she didn’t have to let him in, but he seems harmless enough, he’s really done nothing to make you think he might be violent or hold some kind of grudge towards Simon or her. So letting in a guy who has been pretty kind to you isn’t the biggest stretch in the world.

I was dating this girl once, and there was this guy who saw her picture and wanted to have sex with her. And made that pretty clear to some other people I knew. So for some reason the guy just calls me up and we have the weirdest conversation. Keep in mind I have no idea who this guy is except for the fact he wants to have sex with my girlfriend. But we’re just having this normal conversion, two strangers. One of the weirdest moments of my life. And yes, eventually I think she did start fucking him. So that’s my real life Gift moment. Which I guess makes me Simon.

Thanks for following me through that little detour.

So Simon chokes his assholeness down a little and invites Gordo… more like Gordo invites himself over for dinner. This is where you learn a little bit about him. We learn he might have been in the military. But really as the film goes along you learn to not trust anything he says.

To get Gordo out of their life, Simon agrees to have dinner over at Gordo’s house. Here is where things got interesting.

When they get there they see he lives in a mansion. Not that strange, but what happens afterwards is. In the middle of the dinner Gordo just takes off. He gets a phone call and just leaves the house, driving away.

Now you really have to look at this from Simon and Robyn’s perspective. Who just gets up and drives away in the middle of your own dinner party? Plus the night is already made uncomfortable when Gordo doesn’t bring a date. This was meant to be kind of a coupes night. Instead he just unloads about his failing marriage and kids he never gets to see anymore.

Of course while Gordo is gone Simon starts making fun of him. Gordo the Weirdo with his creepy tiny penis.

Obviously you know Gordo has bugged the room, recording everything they’re saying about him. But at this point I can’t really blame them. When Gordo returns him and Simon have themselves a talk. He is warned to stay away from them.

This sets Gordo off, killing the koi fish and kidnapping their dog. He even starts leaving them notes. Maybe in a deleted scene or something we’d see Simon get his, but in the film it’s just randomly brought up that he got a note stuck to his car.