I was a pretty big fan of the Flash tv series on The CW. I say “was” because ironically after they did the whole “flashpoint” story line, the series went way downhill, and I just stopped watching.
I also used to watch the old Flash series back in the 90’s. I remember the night it premiered my dad’s car broke down by the highway out of state and the police had to drive me and my dad to a garage to get it worked on. Once you missed a show premiere back then, that was pretty much it. You missed it, unless they re-aired it, which would usually be on a Saturday late at night.
Which is why everyone had a VCR.
I remember catching most of it while eating KFC, I think the popcorn chicken they used to have or still do, I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve been to a KFC in like more than 10 years, so…
Wait, no, that’s not true, my goal is to try every chicken sandwich from every fastfood chain and grade them, so that was the last time. They were kind of low on that list. And no, even I shun ever trying The Double Down.
The history of this particular Flash film has been so tumultuous, I thought this would just end up getting shelved like that Batgirl movie. At this point, why not release it? It couldn’t bomb harder than The Flash did in theaters.
Yeah, so The Flash pretty much bombed, making it I think the worst performing DC film is a while. Even worse than that last Shazam movie where he fights a bunch of old ladies.
And of course, that meant I would end up really loving this movie. The humor hit me in the right spot, I’ve always enjoyed time travel movies, so that helped as well, and the cameos. Oh boy the cameos this film has.
One cameo I have in mind is what really got me to go see this. I was really up in the air about doing a review of The Flash. Extraction 2 also came out Friday and I thought it was fantastic. It’s also one of Netflix’s biggest hits. So clearly, I backed the wrong horse.
But then I heard a rumor about The Flash. I don’t know if this counts as a spoiler or not, but it’s what got me to actually see this thing, so here goes.
I heard Nic Cage shows up playing Superman, but not just any Superman, the failed Tim Burton adaption of Superman that was only a rumor in itself for a while until photos of Nic Cage wearing the suit surfaced.
There’s a great documentary about this called Death of “Superman Lives”: What Happened. I’m sure everyone has at least heard of it by now or seen it, but if not, make sure you do, because it’s fascinating.
That is what got me to see the film, sure but that is just a tiny cameo. What really got me was the humor. The humor I thought was dead on, as I caught myself laughing a lot.
It starts off with a really fun gag where The Flash or Barry is stuck in line at a coffee shop, wanting a sandwich but is late for work again.
A running gag I think with The Flash, the world’s fastest man but is always late for things.
Anyway, Batman is dealing with someone who stole some kind of chemical agent and needs Barry to speed over to the hospital where the ground is giving way, along with the newborn care ward of the hospital.
Barry can’t take things with him as he speeds, so he kind of has to manipulate things in a way that things are caught. Like putting a baby in a microwave.
It was a fun way to show off his abilities and set the rules for what he can and can’t do, as his metabolism is so high, he needs to constantly be eating something.
Which is why instead of instantly trying to save the falling babies, he takes a minute to make a burrito and eat some junk from a falling vending machine.
Barry is able to save the babies and help capture the criminal all while still waiting for the barista to make his coffee and sandwich.
He of course though is still late for work.
When Barry was a child, his mom was killed in their family’s kitchen, with his dad catching the blame. He has an alibi, at the store buying a can of tomato sauce, but his head is down, unable to see his face in any of the security cameras.
Ever since then, Barry’s dad has been in prison and Barry has made it his mission to get him free by clearing his name.
In the tv series, Barry was adopted by Iris West’s dad. If you didn’t know Iris is Barry’s love interest. In the series that hasn’t changed, it’s just they are now adopted brother and sister.
In the film thankfully, they just know each other from college.
Iris is a reporter now, looking into Barry’s father and the murder of his mom.
In the series, it was The Reverse Flash, a speedster obsessed with being faster than Barry, so much so, he goes back in time to try and kill him before he gets his powers, killing his mother instead.
They don’t touch on any of that in this film, I’m thinking maybe they were saving that for future films, that I doubt will happen now, with the low box office numbers and the whole shake up over at WB.
I mean, I guess they still could, the fate of everything DCEU is so confusing now. It kind of seems pointless to see these movies, as the extended universe is all but dead, with a reset on the way.
So it’s kind of like why bother? I believe the only two left are Blue Beetle, which looks terrible, like a made for tv movie, which I guess it was. It shows. And the new and final Aquaman movie.
Featuring everyone’s favorite actress Amber Heard. Jason Momoa isn’t even Aquaman anymore, it’s like they didn’t realize how pointless they ended up making their movies now. The first Aquaman film made billions, and now they are flushing it all away, hoping James Gunn’s vision is better received than Zack Snyder’s.
Honestly, looking back now, Zack Snyder at least had this vision and tone that separated DC from Marvel. Everything had this darker edge to it, which is why fans started complaining about Superman.
Me included. However, I think the Snyder cut of The Justice League pretty much spelled out everything he was setting up for this universe and that was Injustice, a story line where Superman turns evil.
You look at it now and everything was set up for that and it sucks that we will never get a final conclusion to it.
With James Gunn spearheading the DCU, I fear it’s just going to be an extension of the MCU, which has run out of steam and has fans also checking out.
This whole multiverse thing has not worked out for either company I don’t think.
It’s confusing, people don’t really know what is going on. Trying to explain to my dad why Michael Keaton was back as Batman while there is already a Batman, but there’s also another Batman as well. I think it short circuited his brain.
Another thing that helped in The Flash’s downfall, I guess we have to talk about the lead, Ezra Miller.
I’ve lost count of all the weird shit he has been accused of. From grooming to fights with police or reporters… Even breaking into homes, I think. He’s a really weird dude. And that weirdness does come across in the film as well.
He talks almost like Michael Jackson, even kind of looks like him a bit.
I can look past the actor for the performance, you kind of almost have to at this point. Except for Amber Heard, fuck her.
But everyone else…
I enjoyed Ezra Miller in this as The Flash. Because of his past indiscretions that’s probably what led to people not wanting to see this in theaters.
But I found his comedic timing really well done, him interacting with his past self-believable, as one future version of Barry is a bit more mature and not to mention traumatized by some things he has faced off against.
He was there when Zod attacked earth but was helpless to prevent anything from happening. The only thing he was able to do that day was save one kid as he watched his father die.
One of the funniest scenes that ended up getting a big laugh out of me was when Barry has to rush Barry from the past to the lab when the lightning struck him and gave him powers.
They kind of screw up the process and future Barry loses his speedster powers. He finds this out by running into walls and running around in a hallway like an idiot.
So the plot is pretty simple, I guess. I mean, they try their best to explain the whole multiverse thing the best they can.
Barry went back in time to save his mom, but by doing so it caused time to branch off, causing not only another timeline, but a whole other universe where big things are different but so are the smaller things.
Now stuck in this world, Barry wants to find a way back home, however this is around the time Zod shows up.
The issue there is Clark is nowhere to be found. Hell, this whole place is devoid of any metahumans at all. But there is one superhero the people know about and that’s Batman.
The Barrys go to visit Bruce Wayne but instead of Ben Affleck, they find 1989 Batman instead. And after all these years, Michael Keaton hasn’t missed a beat. This isn’t some small cameo, he’s in this a majority of the film after a point.
They think they have tracked down Clark, but instead find his cousin Kara, AKA Supergirl.
That’s pretty much it for the team since no one else exists in this world. So, the four of them go off to fight Zod and his army, which doesn’t end well.
Batman keeps dying and Zod keeps defeating Supergirl, stealing from her blood what he needs to recreate Krypton on earth and killing her in the process.
Past Barry refuses to let this be it, so he keeps going back and back and back, failing each time, getting more and more riddled with shrapnel from his fights. Until he becomes… I think it was either Zoom, Dark Flash or Savitar.
He ends up looking like Savitar, who has the same backstory of that villain from the tv series, so I’m just going to go with that.
Past Barry turns into Savitar, obsessed with trying to save everyone.
Future Barry sees how trying to go back in time has not only changed him but is destroying other multiverses. The only thing he can do is let this doomed world parish and go back in time to stop himself from changing things, letting his mother die.
He does however change one thing, moving the cans of tomatoes to the top shelf so his dad has to look up, letting the security cameras see his face.
This new evidence clears him and is finally set free.
However not all is back to normal as Barry gets a call from Bruce Wayne, however instead of Ben Affleck, we get George Clooney. Arguably maybe the worst Batman? Or at least he was in the worst Batman movies.
I don’t know if he is now our DC in universe Batman, since we are missing a Batman now. There’s the
Robert Pattinson Batman, but that is completely separate from anything else, much like The Joker.
This is why DC is so confusing.
Should you go see The Flash? Yes, I enjoyed it immensely. The real question however is this something you should go out and see in theaters. And for that I might have to say no. The CGI is pretty spotty at best, so seeing this on the big screen wouldn’t help it.
They do make a very strange choice to have the big showdown with Zod in a desert during the day. It felt weirdly out of place, especially Batman who was never designed for the daytime.
Zod was a bit of a strange choice as well. Though I think they needed something like a world ending event to go up against, to show how futile it all is. Having Barry go up against another speedster probably wouldn’t work.
The main villain anyways is Barry, himself.
I think I’ll Give The Flash a SEE IT. However, that just means in this instance see it whenever you can, be it in theaters or VOD.
I get the feeling this will be available online to stream very very soon. Hell, just see it for that Nic Cage cameo!
Want EARLY access to our videos, uploads, and movie/script reviews? Members get them FIRST! Follow this link to our Discussion Forum.
