An excerpt from my script review for Species which will be available 11/05/24:
2.) Plot Stability
Two major issues here I wanted to discuss.
The first is what I referred to as I read as “Species Team Four”.
This group of four individuals, with specialized skills, are brought in to track Sil down for the CIA?…er, NSA?…let’s just call them the “deep state” that my uncle is always bitching about.
The foursome seems capable enough, being from various fields that will help figure out what Sil is up to, but my problem is they all get to that info too easy.
Particularly when it takes them over one hundred pages to actually catch her.
(More on that in a bit!)
The best example is on page 59.
Sil has been loose in LA now for a day or so, and they discover one of her dead male victims.
From this they instantly know she’s looking to reproduce to overthrow humans and that she rejected the guy because he was sickly.
“He’s probably diabetic. Check the fridge.”
“Bingo. Insulin.”
“I knew it.”
It was all too much exposition in too little a time.
Stuff like this isn’t fun for readers or audiences.
Your characters need to earn this knowledge for the plot to move forward enjoyably.
They can’t simply stumble into it because…smart.
Couple that with the next issue.
There’s too much chasing!
I mean too too much.
There must be four or five near misses that are just silly, and on top of that they’re telegraphed near misses, in that we know Sil got away even before the characters tell us.
This is fine early on, giving us one or two as our characters get their bearings and learn about the monster they’re chasing, but sooner or later they need to run into her with one of them being severely injured or even killed.
As it stand now you can’t be giving us both…having these characters instantly knowing her motivation, but constantly stumbling when it comes to catching her.
One suggestion that would be a step in the right direction?
Ditch one of the “misses” so this gets closer to one hundred pages total.
That’s at least a good start so the story doesn’t feel so repetitive.
There’s even one too many escapes once Sil goes into Mommy Mode in the sewers and then caverns under LA for the final fight sequence.
In your own scripts remember…
It’s fine to have chasing, whether characters chasing monsters or vice versa, but sooner or later someone needs to get caught.
And for a horror, that should have dire consequences.
Want EARLY access to our videos, uploads, and movie/script reviews? Members get them FIRST! Follow this link to our Discussion Forum.
