An excerpt from my script review for Monster Hunter which will be available 02/08/21:
2.) Plot Stability
Before we start…a disclaimer!
From what I can gather, this script was an initial concept, and one I’m not sure was used for the final product of the film.
Let’s talk about why most of the version reviewed was probably changed.
Two primary issues…
Your plot needs to have realistic motivation.
Characters can’t simply do things because you need them to.
There needs to be logical consequences that set them down certain paths, lead them to particular beliefs, etc.
This script’s plot felt too…manufactured.
Lucas can’t be “the hero” simply because he reached out his hand to save Artemis from falling, and then have an entire crew that idolizes this woman be impressed by such a simple act.
Lucas can’t say Artemis is persuasive when the only evidence you give us is this quick exchange.
Page 31:
LUCAS (CONT’D)
…this has been a trip. And I’d
like to help, really. But believe
me, I’m not the hero you’re looking
for.
ARTEMIS
I hope you’re wrong. Because soon,
monsters will return to your World.
And your people will be powerless
to stop them. Everything you hold
dear will be in danger. Your
family, your air guitar, your foot
locker. All of it. Unless you
make a stand.
He doesn’t question that. He doesn’t try to argue. Lucas simply stays because if he doesn’t the story won’t continue.
(Now, he does tell Far that Artemis convinced him, but maybe it’s because he likes Far and I simply read it at face value.)
Lucas can’t be “the savior” because he fucks up on page 39, damaging the ship, only to arrive late to the remnants of a city that was destroyed.
Will a shipmate or two be glad they’re still alive? Possibly, but quite a few of these soldiers would be pissed they weren’t there to help their friends and possibly family.
(Speaking of which, Artemis is a dragon person, but what about everyone else? Are they humans? Some other alien race? Did they co-inhabit the planet, or are they from somewhere else?)
But in this script, the supporting cast just shrugs it off like it fits into this bullshit prophecy about “hero blood”.
Then we find Adam, Lucas’s long lost dad.
And of course he stays, survives multiple deaths, and is this great warrior because…plot.
Too much didn’t work because it wasn’t “believable” based on the characters.
(Remember, felt like some “straight to cable” movie on Disney or Nickelodeon.)
Your story and characters don’t need to be completely realistic, but their (re)actions should be for audiences to enjoy it.
Do your job.
Don’t give us a shitty version of Star Wars.
Page 44:
FAR
Song doesn’t like me.
(beat)
He loves me.
LUCAS
(disappointed)
Oh. I see.
Far smiles at Lucas —
FAR
He’s my brother.
Page 51, we enter the Unlucky Hunter, this cant…er bar filled with colorful creatures and Artemis needs to find someone to help them.
Page 67:
LUCAS
What are you doing here?
ED
(shrugs)
I owe you my life, okay? Let’s not
try to make a big deal out of it.
This one was “slightly” more creative, in that they rolled Chewbacca’s life debt to Han into Puss in Boots from Shrek.
Moving on, as they’re escaping from the Dragon Soldiers (which just felt like a generic placeholder of a name, by the way) the Assassin fires this arrow at the ship, so they can track the rebels…
(The actual scene with Tarkin was on the Star Wars site and too hard to embed.)
Page 83, Captain Fang runs his ship straight at the Elder Dragons pulling a “maneuver” that gets the dragons to run into each other.
By now I’m sure you understand my point, even if you don’t agree with it completely.
And again, initially I was excited for this setting based on the first scene!
We have this pirate ship sailing on a sea of sand hunting giant monsters!
That’s interesting as shit, and I hope the final product injected more originality into the story.
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