Line up, boys! It’s time for those who aren’t wearing green to get pinched! My eyes are green so I’m immune to the pinching!

Actually, is that a custom where you are from, pinching someone who isn’t wearing green on Saint Patrick’s Day? Great, now you’re just wondering why this weirdo wants to pinch you. 

I know I said in my last review that I’d be reviewing Triple Frontier this week but… I changed my mind. For one, the film was just okay. I don’t know if I’d really have more to say about it than what you can read in Hank’s script review. 

The other reason for the schedule change is since I missed Valentine’s Day this year, I might as well try to give you something for Saint Patrick’s Day, even if it is a few days late. 

And of course the obvious choice had to be one of the Leprechaun movies. I mean, what else was I going to do, My Left Foot? 

I’m a pretty big fan of the Leprechaun franchise as it managed to find its own voice in a sea of 90’s slasher horror films. It wasn’t trying to be Nightmare on Elm Street and it wasn’t trying to be Friday the 13th. It was its own contained thing with its own original killer. The Leprechaun. 

Bad corny jokes and over the top gory deaths are a staple of this franchise and I love it. 

The first Leprechaun movie came out way back in 1993, starring a then unknown Jennifer Aniston. Since that release they went on to make at least six other sequels. 

This was the 90’s, back then they’d push out terrible sequels almost every year as long as people rented them from Blockbuster and it still made them money.

Once a horror series seemed to be coming to an end, the thing to do in the 90’s was to also set it in outer space. But you all know how much I love Jason X… 

I guess technically, there is one more sequel that I should count. But I’m not entirely sure it is a sequel or even a remake. I’m referring to the 2014 SYFY original film Leprechaun: Origins. It seems to only be a prequel in name only, as it has nothing to do with the rest of the franchise. 

And I think it was that film to blame for Leprechaun Returns being as overlooked as it seems to be, going basically unnoticed by the fan base. Or maybe I’m just overestimating the nostalgic love fans have for these movies. 

I remember a ton of talk about Leprechaun: Origins, about all these years we’re finally getting another Leprechaun movie. Then it comes out and it has zero to do with the franchise, so we all tuned out.

Then they actually give us a brand new sequel that is a true sequel to the first film and no one cares. 

But they should care because this film is good. It’s really good! 

The first thing you notice is the writing, the writing in this is pretty damn enjoyable. The writer Suzanne Keilly is the same person who wrote the Ashy Slashy episode of Ash vs Evil Dead, a lot of people’s favorite episode of that series. For a reminder, it was the episode where Ash is put in an insane asylum and there’s an evil Ash hand puppet… If you’ve never seen the show, you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. 

Just know that the humor there fits perfectly here for a Leprechaun movie. She managed to capture the feel of the original movie, something even most of the other sequels failed miserably at. 

The other noticeable thing is how good our new Leprechaun is. If you didn’t know, Warwick Davis played the title character for every single movie, even the in the Hood ones. 

But thankfully, Returns has Linden Porco stepping in to fill his shoes as he is fantastic. I almost thought that they got Warwick Davis to reprise his role again. I mean, the guy is only like 49, I’m sure he could manage it. But with Star Wars coming back and Harry Potter… I guess the last thing he wants to be saddled with is another Leprechaun film on his resume. 

Before I get into the plot of Leprechaun Returns, a quick recap of the first film. Don’t worry, I won’t go into detail about the other 6 sequels. Much like Halloween 2018, Leprechaun Returns retcons the other sequels, making only the first film canon. 

Basically, the plot is this. A guy steals a pot of gold from a Leprechaun while on a trip to Ireland. When he gets back home, he realizes an evil Leprechaun is after him and his pot of gold. 

He manages to capture the Leprechaun with a four leaf clover and trap him in a shipping crate. But before he could burn the little bastard trapped inside, he suffers a stroke and dies. 

A few years later, Tory, played by Jennifer Aniston rent the farmhouse storing our still captured Leprechaun. 

Helping to make repairs to the house is Ozzie, our Lennie of the group who takes a liking to Tory’s little brother. 

I mention Ozzie because he shows up in Returns. Plus I think the whole reason they stole the gold in the first place was so they could try and fix Ozzie’s retardation. It was the 90’s, man. You could fix anything given you had enough money. 

Anyway, they accidentally release the evil leprechaun from his shipping crate and the carnage begins as he goes looking for his pot of gold, killing anyone he comes across, cracking terrible puns along the way. 

Eventually they get the best of him, shooting the four leaf clover down his throat with a sling shot and knocking him down the well.

The end.

It’s now 25 years later and our new lead is Tory’s young daughter Lila. She has just joined a sorority, who are working to help fix up an old farm ranch house, the same house imprisoning the evil gold obsessed Leprechaun. 

Lila’s sorority sisters are Katie, Rose and Meredith. 

Katie is kind of the slutty one, Rose is the uptight one, and Meredith has the dual role as raging bitch and stoner. 

When Lila gets to town, she is left stranded at the bus stop where she runs into Ozzie from the first film. He drives her up to the ranch but not before warning her of the dangers this place holds. 

Lila meets Katie and Rose as they are trying to get the electricity and water up and running. That means pumping water from the well. 

Meredith finally shows up with some boys from the college, Andy and Matt. I can’t remember which one was which as they looked slightly the same, so I’m just going to guess that Andy was Katie’s ex and Matt is the film nerd. 

Lila shares to the group that she was homeschooled before college, mostly spent taking care of her mother. We learn that Tory’s battle with the evil imp screwed her up, and if that wasn’t the worst part, she got sick and died. 

Ozzie goes back to the house looking for his cellphone, when he takes a look into the well, getting splashed in the face with green water.

After digesting the green sludge, Ozzie quickly drives away, only to have the Leprechaun birth himself out of his stomach, finally getting ahold of the gold coin Ozzie swallowed in the first film. 

With Ozzie dead, the Leprechaun goes back to the ranch to reclaim his pot of gold. But with the gold so far away, the Leprechaun’s powers have weakened. 

That’s one thing about the Leprechaun in these movies, he’s so overpowered. The guy can basically do anything and can’t be harmed, making him unstoppable. 

Like any supernatural slasher villain, he does have some weakness. Iron is one, so is the four leaf clover. But he also has this OCD complex with organizing shoes. 

It makes for a good distraction if you need to get away in a hurry. 

The Leprechaun shows himself to Lila, asking for his pot of gold. She gets away, trying to warn the others, but they all think she’s crazy like her mother.

That is until the Leprechaun shows himself to everyone as well. 

Meredith makes a deal with the Leprechaun to let her go if she gives him Lila, who she traps down in the basement. 

The others try getting away but are driven off the road by the Leprechaun flying on Matt’s drone. 

Matt stays behind to try and help the others to get away but ends up getting his head cut off by his own drone. 

Andy on the other hand gets cut in half by a loose solar panel on the roof of the house. 

Katie and Rose make it back to the house where they run into Lila who Meredith said was killed already. 

Speaking of Meredith, the Leprechaun holds up his end of the bargain and agrees not to touch her. But not to kill her as he uses his psychic powers to end her.

Lila found a map leading to where Tory and her family buried the Leprechaun’s gold. However, Rose already found it and used it to help fund the house repair project. 

Now with only half the gold to bargain with, they set a trap for him.

The gather as much iron objects as they can and trick the Leprechaun into stepping into a circle of iron, capturing him. 

I’m not sure if was her, but the Leprechaun uses Jennifer Aniston’s voice to plead with her to spare him. But instead she shoves a hose down his throat and pumps a shit ton of Meredith’s clover booze down his gullet. 

After the Leprechaun explodes, it is up to Lila and Katie to get the fire ready to burn all the exploded parts. Because if a piece survives, you never really kill a Leprechaun. 

Tasked with cleaning up all the chunks is Rose, who gets ambushed Army of Darkness style by even tinier bite sized Leprechauns. 

The Leprechaun regrows himself and Rose takes a face first tumble into a sharp trophy. 

During a tussle, Lila electrocutes him, setting him and the rest of the house on fire. 

Lila and Katie barely make it out alive before the authorities show up to help. 

But don’t think it’s over just yet as we later see the Leprechaun hitch hiking to find the rest of his gold. 

I give this one a RENT IT rating. I would like to rate it higher, but the fact it was a SYFY channel original much like Origins was, I do have to take it down a peg. I do suggest seeing this if you are a fan of the Leprechaun movies. 

Next week I’m not sure what I’ll be reviewing, possibly Us or possibly Dragged Across Concrete.

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