An excerpt from my script review for Jolt which will be available 07/27/21:
4.) Dialogue and Description
Get this out of the way first, the description was fine, if not a bit cheesy at times.
Page 9:
With each press, Lindy’s entire body seizes up with a
powerful electric JOLT. (Hey, just like the title!)
Yeah, we get it.
The dialogue wasn’t bad either, there were some good lines in there, but for me this was the biggest issue with the script.
Did you ever read Spider-Man comics, or maybe watch the 90s cartoons?
There were times when Spidey would be trying to waste time by keeping the villain he was fighting talking.
It would go overly long, but there was a point to why he was doing it that usually stopped the bad guy’s plot.
Lindy and her supporting cast of characters had a tendency to do the same thing.
It’s hard to put my finger on exactly, but time after time it felt like conversations would run long because the characters enjoyed sounding clever.
Page 13 – Dr. Munchin and Lindy. We get what her problem is, but they both keep going on about it.
Page 33 – Nevin and Lindy in a battle of wits, and drawn out witty banter.
Page 43 – Some random hacker who gets Lindy to go to a particular deli…because…nerd speak plot? I really didn’t understand how they arrived at that conclusion past all of Andy’s insults.
And more on page 71…page 89…page 98!
It’s important to have characters deliver lines that are interesting, but your story shouldn’t devolve into a bunch of exchanges where they’re trying to one up each other constantly.
Similar to starting and ending a scene, get in and get out.
It’s cool to have memorable lines, but don’t forget the power of subtext!
Want EARLY access to our videos, uploads, and movie/script reviews? Members get them FIRST! Follow this link to our Discussion Forum.
