An excerpt from my script review for Infinite which will be available 06/14/21:
4.) Dialogue and Description
The main point to take away from this section is that it’s okay to be clever, but not too clever.
Your goal should be to convey a mental image for a character, location, scene in one creative line.
Once you get to a second, third, and even fourth sentence you didn’t accomplish what you were hoping for.
I’m always a fan of description that sticks with us.
This script had its cool images, and then those that didn’t do what the writer had hoped.
Still some stuff to learn from, especially when you factor in the “less is more” quality.
Page 4:
Abelin shakes his head. In awe of Leona. Maybe more.
Good subtext for a character relationship we’ll learn more about later.
Page 24:
…but there’s NO ONE BEHIND IT. Bathurst slipped away like
the man who walks between raindrops.
Great visual that builds up how elusive of a villain Bathurst is going to be.
Page 24:
Ladies and gentlemen, we are now in the middle of a CAR VS
MRAP CHASE THROUGH A POLICE STATION.
Like the line… not a fan of the expense that’s going to come along with this scene though, especially if you’re an undiscovered writer.
(Good point to remember here, if your story still works without this expensive type of chase scene, take it out.)
Page 89:
Satan’s lawnmower eats the forest.
Favorite line in the script because I instantly saw in my mind the miniguns decimating the forest in hopes of getting Nora.
These sort of simple, yet creative lines are what you should strive for.
Does every line need to be clever? Absolutely not, you’ll annoy the reader if that’s the case.
Like any good technique, remember to sprinkle the spice throughout your script, leading to an enjoyable read.
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