(And don’t forget to check out Week 1 here!)
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines – I kind of had high hopes for this one, as I am a fan of the Pet Sematary films, or at least the original ones. It’s also, what I thought, stars David Duchovny; he’s of course barely in it, with only a few scenes. They also kill him off very unceremoniously, like a lot of the kills in this completely off camera. A lot of times you just get people attacked by a dog, then cut to them with a scar on their face, telling you about it afterwards. By the third act, I was bored out of my mind; the only time I snapped out of it was when a character got a shotgun shoved through him—maybe the only kill I got to see. This, I think, is a prequel to the remake, not the original film. Even that was better than this. This gets a SKIP.
Til Death Do Us Part – The trailer made me believe this was a horror film. Several sites even listed this as an upcoming horror movie, so I put it on my watchlist for Horror Month. This is not a horror movie. It’s, I guess, a kind of violent action movie. There’s a lot about it that doesn’t really make sense to me. Ever since John Wick, you see films like this try to expand on their hitman world; for this movie, it’s all school analogies. It mostly just came off as dumb. Speaking of dumb, the plot! So, this couple, who are hitmen, are getting married, which is a big deal since marriage is forbidden and so are kids. Which is very important to remember because her whole reason for running from her own wedding is because she wants kids, and she knows she can’t have them if she stays with the assassin group. So here is the snag: she joins this group to kill the man who killed her father, who was also in this group. So, they aren’t allowed to have kids, yet she was born, huh? Aside from that, this movie kind of sucks. The story is dumb, the characters all suck, the action is pretty lame. They even speed up fight choreography which isn’t something I’ve seen since old kungfu movies. SKIP!
Elevator Game – I’ve been holding off on this one as it didn’t seem to be all that good, just based on the trailer. But honestly, compared to some of the movies I’ve watched this Horror Month already, this one wasn’t that bad. I felt maybe the characters should have been a bit older, as they are all directly out of high school, which to me made them all super annoying. Simple but fun concept: take the whole Bloody Mary urban legend and incorporate it into something like a moving elevator. Everyone at one time has had a fear of riding in an elevator, so what a fun way to utilize that. The gore and kills were also surprising, as the movie kind of has this cheap feel, but also with the young cast, something you’d see on Goosebumps. But things get bloody. I’d give this a strong RENT.
The Puppetman – Like the new VHS film, this is another Shudder exclusive. The trailer didn’t look too bad—maybe a little generic. I felt it really took a while for things to start happening. When things did kick off, it got pretty gory. The plot was the more interesting part, as it seemed like our main character was psychic and didn’t realize it, being responsible for her friends’ deaths. Thankfully, there was more going on behind the scenes than that. I will say, without going into spoilers, that the ending was a bit confusing and a letdown. Puppetman was good enough, but not something I’d rush out to get a subscription to Shuddder for. RENT.
Zombie Town – I only really wanted to see this based on the cast, as it stars Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, and a few of the members of Kids in the Hall. Chevy Chase must have filmed his scenes in a day. Dan Aykroyd was also barely in it, but when he was… how do I show a character is thinking? I know—slow thumb to chin while looking out the window—nailed it. So, this is based on an R.L. Stine book; clearly, this was geared more towards the younger crowd, as the plot is very silly. But yeah, this was more or less awful. I watched this the last night before my move, so my options were very limited with only my TV and internet available. which I wouldn’t have access to for a few days. Terrible over-the-top acting, dumb plot, boring characters… This is clearly a SKIP.
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