Hi all.
It’s that magical time of year again when the Cap’n and I do our Halloween Double Feature!
This year we decided on a classic…
1.) Marketability of the Idea
It’s a vampire story.
Two bank robbers kidnap a family to get across the Mexican border in their Winnebago.
The place they’re meeting their intermediary is a place open from Dusk till Dawn.
Catchy, right?
Only the reason it’s open during these hours are because the owners are vampires who feed on the clientele.
It’s a cool setup, putting these murdering thieves in harm’s way, but could it have been more contained?
Similar to Hateful Eight, could everything have taken place in the Titty Twister reducing the size of the budget?
That’d be my only real suggestion for this section.
From Dusk Till Dawn Box Office Stats
2.) Plot Stability
There are two things I remember when I first watched this film.
One, how young everyone was that starred in it.
Two…Salma Hayek’s dance number.
(Do you think going in that she knew about Tarantino’s foot fetish?)
Going back and reading the script, I was surprised by just how tense the opening scene was, which I didn’t remember.
Aside from that though, this felt very much like an initial draft with some issues.
The exposition about the Gecko Brothers is delivered via a news report Richard is watching in the hotel room.
The late, great Blake Snyder warned us against this, urging us to employ strategies like his “Pope in the Pool” where we deliver necessary exposition in a manner that is creative and something audiences may not have seen before.
After that, things just felt too easy…
Like crossing the border. Seth and Richard take Kate into the bathroom, they panic a bit, but then the group is waved into Mexico no second questions asked.
(If memory serves, someone inspects the RV and, I believe, opens the door to the bathroom to find Kate using it.)
And then at the Titty Twister…
Once the vamps show up, Seth and crew wipe the initial group out faster than Sarah Michelle Gellar…
Sure there’s cool ways they kill them…swallowing crucifixes…Holy Water balloons…stake wielding jackhammers…
But there should be some challenge…it’s the fucking undead they’re up against!
Minions of Satan, people!!!
Now once it’s down to just a couple of survivors, and the previous victims start turning to vampires, it does get harder, but not really by much.
They’re more overwhelmed than anything, which is good, but I wish there was some sort of learning curve when their guns don’t work initially.
Oh and that’s another thing…Seth and Richard bust the nose of the doorman, and draw guns on the bouncers…but they’re the only ones in this bar who’s packing?
That was fucking stupid.
Lastly, we’re treated to main characters getting bit, and slowly turning which is good.
This adds tension later on, whether the characters try to conceal it or it’s someone good we don’t want to see go.
3.) Quality of Characters
Two bank robbing murderers.
That’s good, because they have no conscience.
Paired with an ex preacher and his family out on a road trip.
Throw these two together then up against a strip club full of vampires and we’re in for some fun.
One thing that was really well done in this script were the character intros.
We didn’t get the boring “handsome” or “attractive” bullshit.
Page 2:
EARL MCGRAW…McGraw is as Texas as they come. He has panhandle in his skin (which resembles leather more than flesh)…
Stuff like this is good because we can see McGraw in our minds as we’re introduced to him.
Another good one from page 39:
BIG EMILIO…walks through the bar like Godzilla walks through Tokyo…
Okay, normally I warn everyone not to reference other pop culture when writing a script. That argument is that it can jar your reader, reminding them they’re reading a story, but this one is creative.
Similar to the previous example, we see Big Emilio moving through that bar, and the disarray he leaves in his wake.
My one suggestion here though is not to overdo things.
Tarantino goes a bit long on some of these, but he’s Quentin Tarantino and will get away with it.
My suggestion to new writers, find these clever and creative images and keep it simple.
Include only what is absolutely necessary to the plot, allowing the reader’s mind to fill in the blanks.
4.) Dialogue and Description
Only had a few things written down for this section.
First, and again the old adage “You’re not Quentin Tarantino” comes to mind, is the description runs way too long in some parts.
I mean a third to half pages in some spots, all in a single block.
This is extremely difficult for readers to comprehend.
If you’re going into a description heavy portion, like a fight scene, remember the notion of “mentally digestible” images.
There we’re including only the action that is required to move the scene forward and breaking it up into smaller or individual shots.
This way as the reader goes through, she’s enjoying the story, not being overwhelmed by it.
Second, on the dialogue, nothing was bad and the one specific thing I made a note of was the “Thirst” bits.
As our characters start to turn the sound goes out and all they hear are voices calling, “Thirst,” and their attention is drawn to blood or pulsing veins.
Seeing the craving from this angle was kind of cool, and not sure I’ve come across it anywhere else before.
5.) Format
For me, 89 pages is light even for a horror script.
It doesn’t need to be much more than that, but if you’re pitching a spec of this length it may raise an eyebrow that your story’s missing something.
However, simply breaking up the blocks of description in this version would bump that to where it needs to be.
The occasional typo, and because this was a scan, there was a single instance where pages were out of order.
6.) What I liked…
The creativity of the description, especially for character introductions.
7.) What needs work…
Challenging your characters a bit more, so they aren’t instant champions over the undead.
Rating: It was good, and worth a read, both if you’re looking for a cool take on a vampire story or you simply want some early Tarantino.
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