An excerpt from my script review for Ford v Ferrari which will be available 11/20/19:
4.) Dialogue and Description
What do you do if you have a “technical” style of action/description that doesn’t read as well as it views?
That was the issue for this script.
I’m sure that onscreen the racing action will look fantastic, but trying to get through it on the page was a sleepy headache for this reader.
I fell asleep on three different occasions trying to get through this project, and is part of why I’m reviewing it on a Wednesday instead of Monday.
If you need to use certain industry specific jargon, that’s fine, but keep it to a minimum. This script felt less like me seeing a race in my mind, than it did sitting through a generic mechanic’s lecture.
I enjoyed the story and the competition between the parties involved, and was interested in the race, but the way it was presented took some time to mentally digest.
My tip here is to keep things as generic as you can in terms of the action, only citing specifics when absolutely necessary.
Then have friends, family, fellow writers, etc. go through certain sequences to see what they think.
Their comments aside, if it looks like they’re taking a bit of time, or having to reread sections, you may need to revise your style.
Remember, each and every sequence should be a visual in your reader’s head.
Even if it’s not exactly how you meant it, or how the director will film it, the scene should unfold naturally for them and create enjoyment as it does.
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