An excerpt from my script review for Star Wars First Draft which will be available 05/04/26:
2.) Plot Stability
When he was trying to launch this new universe, I knew George Lucas had trouble, but I guess I never truly understood just how much.
Most first drafts of a script are rough, writers being more concerned with committing ideas to the paper than flushing them out, but this first draft was rough. Like rougher than the previous rough draft.
(The order is rough draft, first draft, second draft, etc.)
This version, as written, I’m not even sure John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra could have saved it. The project, if even made, could have been just a quick footnote in history.
At first, I was concerned that the script I was reading had been mislabeled, but as I continued to read certain familiar things entered the story if not in the exact manner I was accustomed to.
If you read the article from the previous section, Lucas is the first to admit that he wasn’t seasoned enough to write this story or define its characters.
One fact I came away with after reading was that George Lucas knew what he wanted to do, but was unclear on how to do it.
We’ve all been there, and after a few studio rejections I’m glad 20th Century Fox believed in the project enough to urge him to keep going.
I’m also glad he focused less on the idea of a space opera and instead simplified it into more of a space western.
Following the logic of the first section, it humbles me to think just how lucky we are that Lucas pulled this off.
This franchise is so embedded in western culture that one of the films or associated series may be the reason you want write films in the first place.
And the music…
I mentioned it in my AI screenwriting article last week, arguing that “tent pole” projects will still get made by humans, because it’s hard to capture the emotion of a well done epic like Star Wars, but think of how lucky we are that Lucas and Williams were paired up to make this thing happen.
I don’t think one happens without the other, and I can remember purchasing the Special Edition soundtrack when it came out around the time of the films on CD.
(That’s compact disc for those of you too young to remember, and yes we did actually listen to music on them.)
Maybe it’s because the first film was so ingrained in me that I could sit and listen to the score and not only know what was happening in the story, but see it in my mind.
Whether listening in the car or with headphones on my dad’s expensive stereo setup in the living room, it was awesome.
And without the original there would be nothing to build upon, delivering cinema like this…
So what went wrong?
Page 13:
HORUS
Success! I told you. We are no
longer under the control of the
GREAT FAMILIES. We’ve gained a
true advantage.
First off, Horus is this version’s Emperor Palpatine, but in a self proclaimed king version.
Second, what this first draft comes off as is a bad Dune knockoff.
It’s trying too hard to be overly political and technical.
By later changing what he did, it’s easy to see how the Star Wars movies took off and Dune (1984) didn’t. Lucas employed simpler storytelling that audiences can relate to via of battle of good versus evil…in space.
We easily empathize with that.
This script’s story is a convoluted hot mess, but being a first draft he was probably trying to get a lot down on the page as a priority.
It’s also interesting to see that some ideas were in here that didn’t make it into the original trilogy, but were introduced into the prequels, mainly the importance (and rarity) of cloning.
So was anything the same?
Sure.
Luke Skywalker is in it and a battle tested general!
He’s more like what Anakin and Obi-wan are in the Clone Wars animated series, fighting the battles that need fought, but still under some sort of government rule.
Han Solo is here, and still a smuggler, but tall and green…and oh, he has gills too.
Vader’s here, but he doesn’t use the force, and instead is just a “tall, grim looking general” who hunts down Luke and Co.
Instead of a Death Star the Kingdom (think “Empire”) has a Space Fortress.
Dodonna is here, but short an “n” as Dodona and for some reason he’s helping the New Galactic Kingdom (the Empire) hunt down jedi…but then joins them t the end…
Oh! Jedi are here, but called Dai Nogas. They don’t really use the Force so much as they’re just really good at fighting, especially with laser swords.
(They’re not lightsabers yet.)
The Jawas show up, only this time as giant, furry warriors that hang from trees on the jungle planet Yavin. So more like wookies.
One last cameo from this initial script…
Grande Mouf Tarkin…but he’s on the “rebels” side and just some sort of priest. He only shows up once, to chastise Luke for wanting to go to war so quick.
Even as they were later changed, it’s clear Lucas was partial to some of the names and planets.
And this is a perfect segue into the next section…
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