An excerpt from my script review for The Sleepover which will be available 09/21/20:
3.) Quality of Characters
First and foremost…Glen.
Now I’m rooting for Ken Marino. Mother fucker still has the wife and I doing his Role Models bit with Jane Lynch anytime we have hotdogs.
But this character…I hope he did something better with him.
Glen was like a more annoying version of Jerry Smith on Rick and Morty.
Do you comprehend the depth of that statement?
Jerry’s fucking awful and sometimes unbearable to watch, but Glen…I had to start skipping over some of his lines for fear that I’d lose my shit and abandon this script.
And think about his dynamic with Margot, almost a carbon copy of Beth and Jerry’s relationship.
Similar idea, but not as well executed, which seems to be the main theme of this script and its review.
Now we move onto Lewis…
Another annoying fucking character who wasn’t allowed to do anything, which he told us anytime anything happened.
But we all know where this was going…the sheltered momma’s boy will eventually say “fuck it” and turn over a new leaf.
It’ll be the major character arc of the story! Audiences will love it!
But we’ve seen this shit before, and it’s a hokey (at best) story gimmick akin to those shitty films my kids watch and force me to leave the room.
Now what did I like…
Margot was bland, but I didn’t hate her.
(That’s where we’re at for this story, folks.)
Leo was tolerable and I did enjoy the little love triangle because it was realistic of why Margot would have left him, and did she pick Glen as a runner up?
Unfortunately Leo turns into our main baddie (not even calling that a twist) and eliminates any real value this story potentially had left.
It would have been more impactful for me had Leo stayed a good guy and presenting a tempting option for Margot at the end.
Lastly my favorite character was probably Travis, Clancy’s crush.
He seemed like a decent dude overall, and I enjoyed his minor contribution to the story.
Morale of this section…write characters people like and villains they despise.
If your characters are annoying your audience, you may need to consider a rewrite.
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