An excerpt from Reals’ script review for The Beast of Bedburg (Grey List 2023) which will be available 03/13/23:
Hi All!
I’m filling in for Hank today with a script from the new “Grey List.” The Grey List is something I hadn’t heard of until 3Way mentioned it and posted a comprehensive list on the site.
Basically, this is a list of high-quality scripts from writers over 40. It’s great that there is some representation for writers of all ages and all different backgrounds.
If you want to find out more about The Grey List, their website is HERE and their submission window seems to open all year round.
So, what are you waiting for? Submit your work today!
What Worked
Character Descriptions – I like the way the writer quickly and efficiently described some of our characters.
For example, on Page 2:
ALBRECHT HUBER winces at the sight of the carcass. He’s only in his 40s, but here, in the Middle Ages, 40 is the new 60.
Short Scene Headings – When switching between multiple locations, the writer simply uses quick headings.
This helps speed the read up and gives you lots of white space.
For example, instead of the full INT. THE HUBER’S BARN – NIGHT or INT. THE HUBER’S BARN – CONTINUOUS, the author simply uses INT. THE HUBER’S BARN
The Atmosphere – Films like Netflix’s Apostle and A24’s The Witch do a wonderful job of creating a bleak atmosphere for their audience, and the author does a commendable job of that here.
Especially at the bottom of Page 7, where the author describes the horrible conditions outside of the church, with things like:
An OLD CRONE wearing a SCOLD’S BRIDLE (an iron mask of punishment) lunges, GROWLING! Chains RATTLING! Bell CLANGING!
OTTO, (11), a scrawny and underfed peasant boy in a BRIGHT ORANGE TUNIC, LAUGHS and LOBS STONES at her.
WENDEL THE VILLAGE GOSSIP hobbles over to them, dragging his maimed leg.
Small moments like this are vital for establishing your setting – and more points if you can do it in a quick, concise way!
Some Good Exchanges – Like when Alt Schmitt is panicked because his dog has gone missing, and Otto whispers to Franz –
OTTO
(whispers to Franz)
It was me that ate his dog.
I like this line for several reasons:
First, it is funny (in a grotesque sort of way).
Second, it helps establish how desperate and hungry these children are.
Third, it shows how prone to superstition the townspeople are – they believe the Devil’s beast is hunting them and will not be convinced otherwise.
I also liked the exchange between Franz and his potential father-in-law, Gregor, as they head out to birth a calf:
From Page 15:
GREGOR
Those acres of land I bought are for my Beata. For her, and the man she chooses to marry, to live on and raise a family.
Gregor lets that sink in as he boards the cart.
GREGOR (CONT’D)
You’ll take care of her, right?
FRANZ
Beata?
GREGOR
No, Franz. My cow!
In a story as dark as this one, moments of humor are much appreciated.
The Ending – Without spoiling anything, the ending is appropriately gory and highly disturbing. Though, I personally would have recommended that the script end with –
SPOILERS
Beata and Franz walk into the woods, chatting absentmindedly about their future, as –
DEEP IN THE WILDERNESS
A pair of yellow, cruel eyes watches them and A WOLF GROWLS!
SMASH TO:
BLACK.
SPOILERS
That would be an appropriately dark ending, and would stick to the horror convention of “The Monster is Still Alive!” even after the bloody climax.
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