It’s horror month! Well, technically horror month started like 2 weeks ago. But I ran into a bit of a snag. I didn’t have any horror films to actually spotlight. Plus, stuck in the middle of horror month there was Blade Runner 2049. Not a horror film by any means but still one I had to review. This self-imposed rule of only horror movies for a month has backfired on me.
For some reason I just assumed there would be a ton of films coming out this month for me to choose from. And as my list grew, I thought I’d have the opposite problem. Too many movies to choose from!
Nope, wrong again.
Every year I forget that quantity doesn’t mean quality.
So as I went down the list of contenders, I kept running into the same damn problem. They were all shit.
That is until I ran into The Babysitter. A Netflix released film by McG of all people.
Before wanting to review this film, I was thinking of reviewing Better Watch Out. The film seemed to have the same premise, sort of. Like a horror themed Home Alone, so The Aggression Scale, but once again I was wrong. Which seems to be happening a lot lately.
From the trailers it made it seem like the kid and his babysitter get involved with a home invasion and the kid ends up being a psychopath. Well, I got the psychopath part right. It was also incredibly lame when it came to the kills, which there are only 3 of. Most of the time completely bloodless, even when they smash a guy’s face in with a paint can.
The Babysitter however was everything I wanted Better Watch Out to be and so much more. This film brought the laughs and the gore. Two things I’m looking for in a horror comedy. Which is a lot rarer than you might think.
Let’s get down to it.
We are first introduced to Cole, our 13 year old protagonist. He’s getting his flu shot, the problem is he’s dreadfully afraid of needles. This comes into play later in the story.
The film does a great job of foreshadowing, setting things up that eventually pay off later. Sometimes even averting your expectations.
Cole is a bit of a dweeb. He doesn’t really know anything a normal 13 year old should know (sex and stuff), hell, he even still has a babysitter. A babysitter who he is madly in love with. You can’t blame him, she’s gorgeous, being played by Samara Weaving.
Cole’s best friend Melanie, who lives next door and looks like a 12 year old version of Bee, talks Cole into staying up and seeing what goes on once he’s asleep. She thinks orgy, something Cole had to Google.
Cole pretends to sleep as the doorbell rings, the orgy has started! Unfortunately, it isn’t an orgy, just a game of truth or dare. The first dare being Bee has to go around the circle kissing everyone.
This ain’t no orgy! It’s a ritual for human sacrifice!
As Bee removes the blade, blood comically shoots out like a water fountain from the sides of his head. The group collects the blood into chalices. All they need now is the blood of the innocent. Cole’s blood.
Cole races upstairs, not sure what to do. That’s not true, he knows exactly what to do, call the cops. He plans on jumping out the window but it’s too high for him and he hesitates.
So instead he gets back in bed and pretends to be a sleep.
Earlier, Bee gave Cole some liquor spiked with sleeping pills. But since he planned on staying up, he fakes drinking it. Now he’s wide awake and it’s time for Bee to draw some blood. Needles, his worst enemy!
But he is able to suffer through it, but Bee feels something is off so she stays behind, pretending to leave. Cole jumps out of bed ready to climb out the window but the shock of getting his blood taken was too much for him and he faints.
When he wakes, he finds himself tied to a chair and the satanic gang of teens standing in front of him. They want to know what he saw. You know, like the guy they brutally murdered in his living room.
Cole actually manages to talk his way out of the situation but then the cops show up. If he didn’t see anything, why call the cops. Oops.
Cole yells out and the cops storm in with guns aimed, shooting Bella Thorne’s character in the tit. Also, who the hell is Bella Thorne? The only thing I know about her is she dumped her boyfriend so she could start dating his sister. Besides that I know nothing just that she seems to be popping up in everything I watch lately. Like the shitty Amityville: The Awakening, a film I watched right before The Babysitter.
Anyway, mixed in with this group of killers is Max, played by Robbie Amell. It took me a second to remember where I recognized him from. Mostly I remember him from The Flash, but he’s actually popped up in a few of my movie reviews like Nine Lives and The DUFF. I reviewed the Duff, didn’t I? Hank, fact check that for me. Who am I kidding, he stopped reading these reviews once his wife caught him looking at my Malibu Express review and thought he was looking at 80’s porn.
Max brutally kills the cops, one getting a fire poker shoved through his skull. Cole slips out of his bindings and runs back upstairs. John, the poor guy who keeps getting blood sprayed into his mouth chases after him. But like the rest of the group he falls victim to accidental death by Cole.
Yeah, Cole ends up being kind of a bad ass… by happenstance.
John takes a tumble down the stairs and lands neck first into a sharp award mantled conveniently below the stairs.
Max, our football quarterback gives chase.
Cole once again tries getting out the window, even making it halfway. Unfortunately he comes up short, not tying enough sheets together. Max catches him, tries pulling him back up but Cole sucks it up and falls down the rest of the way.
With the rest of the cult after him, Cole ducks into the crawlspace under his house. But Sonya, the other hot member of the group finds him.
But like I mentioned, Cole is a coincidental badass, blowing her up with a large firework.
That still leaves Max, who catches up to Cole, chasing him up his old tree house that his dad was in the process of dismantling.
But like a bad penny, Cole is once again able to inadvertently take out another member, this time with a mishap involving the rope ladder.
That just leaves Bee and Allison, the Bella Thorne character.
Cole runs to his best friend Melanie’s house, where he is able to steal a kiss and avoid Bee, who is now armed with a shotgun.
Cole makes it back to his house where he discovers Bee’s amazing cleaning skills. Not a single sign that at least 4 people were just murdered there. Almost no sign except for Allison who is slumped over in a chair, presumed dead from the gunshot wound in her tit.
But ha! Fooled you, she was just pretending, attacking Cole with a knife. Thankfully Bee shows up and blows her head off. But Cole ain’t no dummy, he grabs her book of satanic rituals and threatens to burn it, which he does.
As she tries to put out the flame, Cole runs across the street, steals Melanie’s dad’s muscle car and flips it through the living room window, crushing Bee.
He wanted to let her go, but he knew if he did she’d just keep doing this, finding young boys like Cole to manipulate and use in her sacrifices. So unfortunately he had to drive a car through her.
And that’s The Babysitter, a hilarious gory as hell horror film that I found myself loving every minute of. After watching so many stinkers I knew almost instantly this was going to be a good one.
Make sure you stick around for the end credits as there is a small scene afterwards. Sequel?
I give this film two ratings. It gets a SEE IT and a RENT IT. Since it is on Netflix and not in theaters. If you have Netflix, what are you waiting for? Check this movie out for Halloween. There isn’t much else out there worth seeing, trust me, I would know.
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