I don’t remember much about Equalizer 2 only that I enjoyed it, and it had Pedro Pascal as the main villain. That came out 5 years ago. So, about a year less than the last John Wick sequel. And if I’m remembering it right, both franchises started their run in 2014.
I don’t remember the other two Equalizer films being as violent or graphic as something like John Wick, however that has changed in the newest installment, as this film seems to really want to earn that R rating.
Featuring the barrel of a gun shoved through someone’s eye, then shooting someone repeatedly while said gun is still shoved through the dude’s skull.
That’s one of many scenes where things got over the top, like we’re watching a remake of The Exterminator. Which this franchise might as well be honestly.
One comparison I found myself thinking of while watching Equalizer 3 was the 3rd Death Wish film. The first one made by Cannon who have a history of giving us amazing action movies. And also Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Cannon’s answer to Dirty Dancing. No, waiting, Dirty Dancing came out in 1987, while the Breakin’ movies both came out in 1984, so what film where they trying to cash in on?
Either way, Cannon had a tendency to end their films by blowing up the villain with a rocket launcher. Which Death Wish 3 does spectacularly. No such deaths occur in Equalizer 3 sadly, but it has enough crazy shit in it that you won’t leave feeling dissatisfied.
Before I talk about the move though, it’s first time for a little segment I like to call Listen to Me Rant About the Theater.
Theaters suck and I absolutely HATE going to them to see a movie. And that’s mainly due to other people there. And like most of these incursions to the theater, people always seem to ruin it.
If it isn’t the kids yelling or running down the lanes, it’s the people talking or stuffing their fat faces with pizza or nachos or popcorn, eating it like fish drink water.
Or they fidget. They fidget with their popcorn bags, fidget in their seats, one old lady put her bare feet up on the seats and railing. Or they fidget with their damn phones. You old folks and your damn phones.
It’s like smartphones have regressed boomers into a teen like state. The bare foot lady not only had to check Facebook constantly, but whenever she got up, she’d hop over the rail, consistently hitting the person in the head with her purse each time she did it.
It wasn’t just her, as I saw many old folks checking Facebook. Is that like the thing now? Only old people are on Facebook? Only bit of social media I’m on is Twitter and that’s reluctantly, which I’m barely on or use anymore.
It’s like smartphones have turned you into the old people from Cocoon.
Anyhooo!
Back to The Equalizer 3, this time taking place overseas in Sicily, most likely filmed on location in this small, sea-bound town, built on a mountain. Great scenery for a final resting spot for our main character, if this is the third and final movie. Honestly, like John Wick or Death Wish, they can pretty much keep making these movies.
Some time has passed since we last saw Denzel Washington’s character, McCall. He’s a little older and a little heavier, which they try to hide with the layers of black clothing. That COVID quarantine downtime a couple of years ago must have added on a few extra pounds. He isn’t Steven Seagal levels, but it’s enough to be noticeable.
I think the last Steven Seagal film I managed to watch had him maybe 100 pounds overweight, but they still had him do stunts like roll under a truck.
That was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I believe the scene was also quickly followed up by a lesbian sex scene, so I guess it balanced itself out.
We aren’t introduced to McCall just yet, only the aftermath of his handiwork. Dead bodies of gangsters strewn about the house as our crime lord takes us on a little excursion, seeing the blood bath.
We then find McCall in the cellar, calmly cleaning his ring and hands as two guns are pointed at him. He is there looking for something, and the henchmen wouldn’t let him in, so things got messy, to say the least.
The crime boss wants answers, but all he gets from McCall is an ultimatum and a countdown. In 9 seconds two of his goons are killed, and he has been shot several times in the chest.
As he crawls away, McCall delivers a round of buckshot to his ass as he tries to get away. At this point, it seemed like a cat playing with his food. The gunshots to the chest would have killed him eventually; the shotgun up the ass was just to humiliate him.
It seemed especially cruel when he was just going to blow his face off with the shotgun anyway.
He might have been a bad guy, but even bad guys have kids. As McCall is leaving the house, the man’s kid shoots him in the back, seriously wounding him.
A local police officer finds him by the road, taking him to be treated by Enzo, the town’s local and much-loved doctor.
As McCall recovers from his injuries, he begins to love this small town and the people living in it, who have accepted him as their own.
Unfortunately, even a small town like this has criminals, as a biker gang of thugs shake down local businesses for protection money.
McCall is still using a cane to walk, so all he can really do at this point is watch on and give them the stink eye.
McCall makes a call to the CIA, taking him to Emma Collins, tipping her off to the crime boss he just recently slaughtered and his operation of illegal drugs which of course links us to our small-town thugs.
She does eventually track McCall down, curious as to just who the hell he even is and how he knows her. I pretty much guessed their connection right off at the start; I won’t spoil it, as this movie doesn’t have much or any kind of twist. It’s pretty straightforward when it comes to plot, very Death Wish. Though the thing in every Death Wish movie usually has someone close to Bronson get killed, putting him in the mood for revenge,
No one close to McCall however, dies. The cop who helped him when he was shot gets put through the ringer, even getting his ear blown off, but he still hangs on for the rest of the movie.
Even the obvious choice of killing Enzo, the beloved old doctor, never happened either. I’m all for doing away with movie cliches like that, so you won’t hear me complaining.
Another go-to is killing the love interest. I wouldn’t even go as far as to call her a love interest. McCall meets a waitress at this cafe he goes to, who asks him out to show him around the town.
Nothing really seems to develop between them other than friendship.
There is one cliché, though: Italians love to eat. Every time you see a mobster in this movie, he’s stuffing his face with pasta.
Want to threaten a guy and his family? Gotta sit down and have some spaghetti first. I’m not joking; that’s an actual scene in the movie. Thugs break into the cop’s house and take his wife and daughter hostage while the goons have a nice pasta dinner.
Eventually McCall has enough of these thugs, making a fool out of their leader, going as far as almost making him shit his pants. He leaves them with a warning, knowing they aren’t going to heed it, so McCall tracks them back down and murders them violently.
The leader of these thugs, however, is the brother of another hotshot crime lord who now wants revenge and McCall’s head to have with his spaghetti and meatballs.
Instead of it ending like Death Wish 3, where the whole town bands together to take out these thugs, McCall just pays them a visit at night as they sleep and murders them all one by one in their house.
Why say many words when few do trick.
Despite the terrible theater experience, which should be a given at this point, it still didn’t take away the fact that I enjoyed this movie. If this really is a final installment in this franchise, which I doubt, as this seemed to be doing pretty well, and we all know if a movie does well, no matter what or if it’s even needed, we will get a sequel.
But if by chance, they don’t greenlight another, this was a good one to close out on. McCall found a nice town to retire in. I mean, it’s better than what John Wick got, which was dead.
The gore was excessive, but it wasn’t as action-heavy as other movies of its kind, for example, something like John Wick or Death Wish. No giant shootouts, as McCall is very clean and proficient. He’d rather slice your throat from behind than exchange bullets with you.
For a minute, I was almost curious to see what the new TV series would be like with Queen Latifah as McCall but I mean, why bother? You know it’s terrible without having seen a single episode.
As for Equalizer 3, I give this one a SEE IT. I hope they do continue with the franchise. Denzel Washington seems to really enjoy playing this character.
I guess we all know what season is coming up, Horror Month! I have a few ideas for what I might do this year for October but expect the usual. A rundown of the horror movies I watched that week, followed by a movie review.
I believe we have Saw X, a new Exorcist, Five Nights At Freddy’s, and who knows what else? So, look forward to reading reviews on that and many, many more!
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