And don’t forget to check out Part 1: The Best Movies of 2017.
I ran into the same problem with the worst list as I did with the best. Too many candidates. I want to do something a bit different with this list however.
Like I did with the best, here are a few that are still terrible, but didn’t make the official list. But I’m putting the ones that didn’t make it into genre categories. Something I wish I thought of when doing my best list.
What you are going to find here are a bunch of titles I’m sure you’ll disagree with me about. Hell, they might even pop up on your best list. Even some that just got nominated for an Oscar. But for me, I either found them boring, unwatchable or just down right terrible.
First let’s start with some animated movies. 2017 was a pretty shitty year for animated movies. The only one that I found halfway decent was The Lego Batman Movie. Coco felt too manufactured, like they knew they were making an Oscar bait film. And that’s exactly what it was, visually pleasing but lacking any kind of substance. But I didn’t hate it, so it doesn’t make the list. I also didn’t hate Cars 3, so it didn’t make the list either. But these did!
WORST ANIMATED MOVIES OF 2017
The LEGO Ninjago Movie – I know nothing about Ninjago, I have no idea if this is based off the series or not, all I know is this thing is close to unwatchable as it gets. The main offender being the fact it isn’t a bit funny. I can handle confusing plot as long as it stays consistently funny. This never was.
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie – One thing I hate is that twitchy, a mile a minute SpongeBob humor. And that’s all this is. A million jokes, none of which land. I tried at least 4 times to watch this thing all the way through but kept turning it off to watch something better. Finally I did get around to watching the whole thing. I have no idea if kids would like this, but it seemed more geared towards really really young ones. Look at all the random shit we’re tossing at the screen, and also, another joke about butts and toilets.
The Boss Baby – Wow, just wow. This thing is weird. It’s very unfunny, but it’s also insanely bizarre. So the plot is, babies come from a manufactory, but some babies are picked to stay babies and made to be businessmen. And they sent one of their baby businessmen down to help solve the animal cuteness factor, because they’re taking away from baby cuteness. Also, none of this might be true seeing as it could all just be a story made up by the little boy in the film. I don’t know, it’s kind of terrible, but also maybe worth seeing, which is why it isn’t on the list. Also, it just got nominated for an Oscar. Another example of animated movies being slim pickens this time around.
Smurfs: The Lost Village – Why are Smurfs popular? Who is asking for these movies? I’m guessing not kids, what do kids know of the Smurfs? It has to be like older guys, and I’m positive it’s guys, because only men would be nostalgic with something like this. It has that level of creepy that only a man growing up in the 70’s would be nostalgic about. This does make the first Smurfs film I could stand watching all of. Maybe it being 100% CGI helped, but not by much.
The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature – I don’t remember hating the first film, just being kind of lukewarm about it. But this one… It does the same old generic story about a rich tycoon wanting to destroy the animal’s home. It’s the plot to The Muppets movie back in 2011, it’s the same plot to Dr. Dolittle 2, the same plot to Furry Vengeance… the list goes on and on. What made the first film kind of interesting was it was set in the 60’s, even though they frequently forget that by playing modern music, but also going on in the background was this bank heist subplot.
Surf’s Up 2: WaveMania – This one might be my fault. You see, for some reason the audio for the blind was left on, and seeing as the first film was a mockumentary, I just figured the constant narration was part of the movie viewing experience. It was not. I don’t know if that helped or deepened this film’s suckiness. Either way, it’s pretty awful and should be skipped. The only reason I watched it is because I’m a big fan of the first film.
The worst animated film of 2017 actually made the list, so if you’re wondering why it isn’t listed here, don’t worry. I’ll get to it.
WORST ACTION FILMS OF 2017
Every year always has a handful of terrible action films. One of 2017’s worst made it on my list. But here are some others you should probably stay far away from.
Justice League – Oh DC. This really shouldn’t be so hard. Marvel found a formula that works, why can’t you? Especially with superhero characters everyone is already familiar with. This one might not be as terrible as some of their previous films, but it doesn’t make it very good. It has way too many tonal issues, not enough time is spent on the characters, the CGI looks unfinished and the plot is a giant mess. But still, I didn’t hate my viewing experience, so it got a RENT IT rating from me when I reviewed it. And my thoughts about it stay the same, not terrible, but it has major issues.
Gun Shy – This was actually on my list for a while. It’s embarrassingly bad, like I actually felt embarrassed for Antonio Banderas after seeing this.
Geostorm – From what I hear this film sat on the shelf for years before getting a bunch of reshoots to change the plot. The end result being a giant boring mess. It wasn’t even so bad it’s good, just bland and boring. I can almost forgive a film if it’s dumb yet fun, but there was no fun to be had here.
Atomic Blonde – Speaking of no fun. I thought this film sucked. Pointless action tossed in with a predictable boring plot and unlikeable main character. I found myself rooting for the bad guy.
The Villainess – This is nothing but a blatant and I mean blatant rip off of La Femme Nikita. There are whole scene stolen from that movie. The action, yeah, was entertaining, but the plot was just a giant rip off of another better film. I couldn’t overlook it, I’m sorry.
Birth of the Dragon – This movie kind of pissed me off. For one, it’s a film about Bruce Lee, right? He should be the main character, but nope. That honor goes to this fictional white guy named Steve. And to make things even worse, they make Bruce Lee the bad guy karate instructor from Karate Kid. Yeah, Bruce Lee is portrayed like the leader of the Cobra Kai. This film is just awful.
WORST HORROR FILMS OF 2017
Alien Covenant – Thanks Ridley Scott for destroying the Aliens mythos. Thanks grandpa, it’s time to rest now and leave this franchise alone. The same goes for Blade Runner, just walk away, leave it in someone else’s more capable hands.
Happy Death Day – PG-13 slasher film, what do you expect? This one was completely bloodless, had a predictable killer, and a terrible main character, not to mention a plot that never goes anywhere and keeps forgetting its own mechanics. They drop the whole, “you keep the damage each time to come back” thing. They don’t even try to explain why time is looping, did I mention the killer is predictable? Not only that, their motivation is also idiotic. The film is a teen slasher film made for the Riverdale fans.
WORST DRAMAS OF 2017
Battle of the Sexes – I have zero interest in tennis, so watching a film about tennis… But I loved I, Tonya and I couldn’t care less about figure skating, so you never know. Mostly this is a film about a woman cheating on her husband with her female hairdresser. And when that ends we are treated to more boring ass tennis. Steve Carell however is fantastic. If the film was just about him, maybe this film would be more tolerable.
The Space Between Us – I don’t even think he knows his love interest’s real name, yet we are to believe they’re madly in love? One of many issues this film had.
Aftermath – Extremely boring, based on a true story, but the crux of the story is this guy murders someone who messed up and crashed a plane. So basically you’re waiting for like 2 hours for Arnold to kill this guy who doesn’t really deserve it, only to get hailed a hero and let out of prison early. At least that’s what happened in real life. This takes some liberties here and there. Mostly it’s just boring. 2 hours of Arnold trying to act, because that’s his strength in all his films, the acting.
Stronger – Every year there’s always that Oscarbait film that tries way too hard. Out of all of them, this one tries the hardest. It’s also another biopic that I’m not sure why it’s being told. He lost his legs in a terror bombing. Ok, why base a whole film just around him? There’s literally nothing special about this guy. He’s a drunk and a loser and the only difference now is he doesn’t have any legs. I don’t know why we had to get a 2 hour film about this guy. Check out Patriots Day. It focuses on a lot of things not just one guy. Who I believe that film also features. So watch that instead.
WORST COMEDIES OF 2017
This should be a much bigger list, but I’d really be here all day just listing shitty comedies, so here are a few that I didn’t much care for.
T2 Trainspotting 2 – The first film was so good. At least that’s what a teen me thought when I watched it in the 90’s. It’s been forever so who knows if it is completely outdated or not. What I do know is it didn’t need a sequel. Especially 20+ years later. Young guys dealing with heroin addiction, interesting. Middle aged guys dealing with the same shit is just sad. That’s all this film was, just sad. Not darkly humorous just boringly sad.
Ingrid Goes West – I kept waiting and waiting for the plot to start. But it never did. When they kidnap the brother character, I thought, okay, now it’s going somewhere. Nope, I was wrong. That minor two minute subplot ends before it even started. Then you’re left wondering when the story of this movie might kick in. Something has to happen, right? No again. It honestly reminded me a lot of Spring Breakers, arguably one of the worst films ever made.
CHiPs – They clearly thought they were making the next 21 Jumpstreet. But man did they miss the mark. None of the jokes landed, I might have snickered here and there but… I don’t even know why this is called Chips, it has nothing to do with the series other than they’re bike cops. I’m really having a hard time even remembering anything about this movie. I completely forgot this one came out in 2017. But after seeing it pop up on several worst lists, I thought I might as well give it a dishonorable mention.
A Bad Moms Christmas – What is sad is I really liked the first film. I have no idea what happened here. It’s mostly montages. If you removed all the montages this film has, you’d have like a 30 minute movie. You’d have like maybe 5 minutes of “story” then you’d get kicked into yet another montage of the moms doing something naughty. It’s fucking terrible. Not a single laugh in this. Not one. Even the worst comedies usually get at least a snicker out of me. It’s kind of mathematically impossible to not get at least one laugh out of something that’s 2 hours with like hundreds of jokes. At least one has to slightly land, right? No, it’s bad, it’s so damn bad.
THE WORST FILMS OF 2017
Here it is, the list of the worst films of the year. Chances are you might have really liked a few of these films. I couldn’t stand them, so here we are.
10. Death Note – This was a last minute addition. It made me so angry while watching this garbage I ended up writing like a 10 page review on why I hated it and everything they got wrong. And trust me, they got everything wrong. They didn’t really seem to understand the characters or their motivations. Or more likely, they were too afraid to. If they were too afraid to do this film justice, why do it at all?
9. It – My dislike for this film is pretty well known. I was excited to see this one too. But what I got was an unscary, studio manufactured jump scare fest with way too many characters, a lot of them interchangeable and pointless. I think I might have mixed up the Jewish kid with the hypochondriac kid in my review and no one noticed. Because they’re the same damn character. The plot is thin to say the least, not to mention has bizarre tonal issues and editing. It also suffers from an inconsistent killer, that doesn’t really do much of anything but stand there and jump scare you. Just focusing on the kids I think was a mistake. There just wasn’t enough there, and god, it’s going to be insanely boring when it focuses on them as grownups. I’m positive they’ll have to cut to them as kids again, they’ll have to.
8. The Emoji Movie – Soulless, generic, unfunny, and completely unoriginal. Those are just a few words to describe this film. It takes story elements from at least three other animated movies. It takes from Inside Out, the obvious one. It also steals a bit from Wreckit Ralph. But the odd one it steals from is Angry Birds. Now take all three of those movies and strip the comedy and life from it, then you’ll have the fucking Emoji movie. It had a chance to say something about kids and their stupid phones, but instead it tries to market to them by advertising more phone apps they should be using. This is by far the absolute worst animated movie of 2017.
7. The Snowman –This film didn’t make me angry. It left me confused, but not angry. Confused by the choice to put this unfinished film in theaters. It’s hilarious to watch, especially when Val Kilmer pops up. He must have been going through chemo or had chemo tongue because the guy couldn’t talk. Each time he has a line, the camera films his back. And I’m almost positive it isn’t his voice doing the ADR. Why was he even in this? I have no idea what his character’s purpose was. He shows up in flashbacks, but I don’t know how it connects to anything. But that isn’t surprising since whole scenes weren’t even filmed. Continuity is almost nonexistent. Everything is such a hilarious mess. If you like watching train wrecks, you have to see this.
6. Lady Bird – Just nominated for an Oscar and I absolutely hated this movie. This was made for women. It’s a nostalgic trip for the ladies to remember back when they were horrible teenagers. The problem there being, if you weren’t a horrible teen girl growing up in the early 2000’s, this film will have very little for you. I hated every single character in this. Every single one. I found the film intolerably boring, I just wanted it to end, yet it wouldn’t. It keeps going and going. For a film that has no plot, they really didn’t know when to end things.
5. A Ghost Story – Speaking of boring with no plot. This is one of the hardest sits I’ve ever had the displease of sitting through. It’s less a movie and more of a moving still image. Just a lot of sitting in silence. Standing in silence. Eating in silence. Just a whole lot of nothing. Long static shots of nothing. Don’t see this tired because you won’t make it. You’ll last 5 minutes before you’re drooling and dreaming about Ronney Mara in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
4. Cook Off! – The only hilarious thing about this film is how it promotes Melissa McCarthy starring in it. Then you watch the film and she’s in it for maybe a total of 5 minutes before she gets kicked out of the competition and you never see her again. This is hands down the unfunniest comedy I’ve seen in 2017. It’s even worse than Bad Moms Christmas, and that’s saying a lot.
3. Transformers: The Last Knight – Most of the Transformers films are pretty terrible, but for the most part they can be tolerable. This one however is garbage. There is nothing tolerable about this one. It might actually be shorter than the last but if feels endless. The plot is so incoherent, so nonsensical, that I can’t even begin to tell you what this is about. If not for the last two films on my list, this would be the worst thing I saw in 2017. It’s hard to beat, but thankfully 2017 had two really shitty art films come out.
2. The Killing of a Sacred Deer – The main issue I had with the film was the acting. Everyone purposely talks and acts like a robot. The lines they say are robotic, the way characters react to things are robotic, everything is like a machine made this. The idiotic and confusing plot might have been something you can look past, but the robotic feel to everything can’t be ignored. It slightly worked in Dogtooth because it was in a different language and it wasn’t as noticeable in The Lobster, another film by this director I absolutely despise.
1. Mother! – And now for the worst film I saw in 2017. No plot, no story, no characters, just stand ins for metaphors. This “film” is what one giant eyeroll would look like. Why was this a wide release? Nothing about it screamed, this should be in theaters. It’s like a vanity project you’d find on Netflix while searching around one night. It isn’t even the kind of art film that leaves things up to your interpretation. It’s so blatant and obvious that your eyes might fall out from rolling them too hard.
And that does it. Another year of listing films I thought either sucked or where masterpieces. I know everyone loves to make lists so feel free to post your top 10 favorite or hated films of 2017.
