I was a pretty big X-Men fan during the 90’s. I still have binders filled with cards somewhere. I even collected the Hi-C box juice tie-in. They had cards on the back you’d cut out and collect. Or at least I think that was what you were supposed to do. Maybe I was just a weird kid that collected old Hi-C juice boxes.
Anyway! My point that I’m taking forever to get to is… I’ve never eaten a Chimichanga. I mean, it’s just a burrito with a lot of meat and beans, right? Maybe it’s smothered in something… which I don’t get. I don’t want to eat my burrito with a knife and fork. The whole point of a burrito is you get to hold it. FYI, they’re Deadpool’s favorite dish, that’s why I’m bringing it up. At least I think they are, in the videogame he seems to be obsessed with pancakes.
Speaking of his videogame…
I’ve never really heard of Deadpool until his videogame which came out a few years ago. I had an inkling about who he was. But mostly I knew the suit. He’s kind of like the Boba Fett of the X-Men universe. You’re likely to know who Boba Fett is even if you’ve never actually seen any of the Star Wars films.
Actually, the only reason I know who Boba Fett is, is because in the 6th grade I overheard two kids arguing over the correct way to pronounce [I]Boba[/I].
I do believe though Deadpool might have popped up during an episode of the old 90’s X-Men cartoon. That might have been the first time I ever saw him, I remember the suit catching my eye.
So basically, I’m saying I don’t know anything about this character. I know after the videogame came out, I did do some research (half assed), but ended up getting pretty confused seeing as there are female Deadpools, baby Deadpools and dog Deadpools. Don’t know what any of that is about, not sure I wanna know.
So that brings me to the film. Finally!
Even not really knowing who this character was, the trailers still looked pretty great. Leaps and bounds better than the last film to feature this character, that being X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It might be one of the most unwatchable shitty films ever made for a comic book superhero.
Even worse than Steel with Shaquille O’Neal.
Worse than R.I.P.D.! Which also starred Ryan Reynolds strangely enough. Though ironically, not as bad as Green Lantern. Which! also starred Ryan Reynolds.
What the fuck, Ryan Reynolds!
And Blade: Trinity!
Someone stop him from making comic book movies! He finally got lucky with Deadpool, but holy hell did we have to suffer until then. Maybe that is less his fault and more of the studio not trusting in the material.
He really pushed to get this film made. And to be the one to star in it again after the disaster of X-Men Origins… That never happens. That’s like hiring the same guy to write your Hitman reboot who was also the writer of the one that bombed horribly… oh, wait, they did!
But like I said, Ryan Reynolds fought hard for this film to get made. Fox really didn’t want to make it. That is until the man in charge at Fox stepped down and the new guy at Fox gave the OK. It helps when you see that on film. People actually loving the project they’re working on, instead of just collecting another pay check. Ryan Reynolds even took the job for less pay, just so he’d get the chance to play this character once more. But this time with feeling!
That’s why this version works. Everyone involved fought hard to stick to what made Deadpool so likable as a character. Which! I’m saying “which” a lot in this review. Deadpool is not really that likable as a character. He’s vulgar, kind of psychotic, a killer for sure and an asshole. He has this blind old lady he lives with that he verbally abuses throughout the whole film. And from what I hear, this character in the comics was originally someone who witnessed a crime and is basically being held against her will by Deadpool.
Okay, that about does it for my Deadpool bashing, because I for one pretty much loved this film. It was violent, vulgar and piss your pants funny at moments. Speaking of, here are three moments that got [B]GIANT[/B] laughs out of me.
The first being when Deadpool tries fighting Colossus. If you aren’t familiar with that character, he’s a member of the X-Men whose body is covered in metal. So each time Deadpool punches him [I]anywhere[/I] his hands get horribly crushed. It’s actually the funniest moment in the film.
Second being when Deadpool cuts his hand off and has to wait for it to grow back. Essentially walking around with a baby hand. And the reveal of it is hilarious.
The third big laugh was this tiny scene of Deadpool riding a Zamboni, threatening to run over a goon. [I]“You’re about to be killed by a Zamboni!” [/I]Then they pull back to reveal Deadpool is like a mile away. I know, it’s a gag that has been done to death, but it still got a horse laugh out of me. Since The Hateful Eight, I’m going to try and put “[I]horse laugh[/I]” in every review from now on. But don’t hold me to that, I’ll most likely forget by the time the next review comes around.
Some have pointed out that the film doesn’t really have much of a story or plot. But that’s kind of the point of the character. I mean, there is this bigger story going on in the background with human made mutants being shipped out to be enslaved killers. But Deadpool has zero interest in telling that story. He only really cares about fixing his face and getting back his girl. Also revenge. We can’t forget revenge.
And that is it. He really doesn’t have the attention span to care enough about anything more complicated.
So story…
Wade aka Deadpool is a mercenary. You pay him to do a job, any job and he’ll do it. Even if that includes threatening a pizza delivery man who is stalking someone.
T.J. Miller plays Weasel, the owner of this bar that houses a bunch of these mercenaries. I’d have to watch that part again, because that stuff didn’t really make sense to me. It is explained just exactly what they do, however maybe I wasn’t paying attention at that part yet. I don’t know. All you really need to know is this is the place Wade meets Vanessa played by Morena Baccarin. Who I love on Gotham. Maybe the only thing I love on Gotham.
She’s a hooker. Her character I mean, not Morena Baccarin.
I like when the two meet, they try to outdo each other with terrible childhood stories. Instead of paying her for sex, he pays her to go on a date with him. Yet we only see the relationship progress as they have sex. Sometimes weird kinky sex. How else are the 8 year olds that were taken to the theater by their moms going to learn about pegging?
Everything seems pretty great between the two, he just asked her to marry him, while naked, and… that’s when he learns he is dying.
Thankfully a man shows up to offer him a deal. They want to turn him into a mutant, hopefully curing his cancer. What they don’t tell him is they need to torture him until a mutant ability surfaces. This actually kind of reminded me of the plot to Martyrs. Where they had to torture you, eventually skinning you alive so they can witness someone in complete bliss. Oh, spoilers for anyone who hasn’t seen Martyrs. The original not the shitty remake.
Wade eventually has his ability surface, at the cost of his skin that is. He can heal rapidly, yet he is forever stuck looking like the inside of an asshole.
All of this is told through flashbacks, because the majority of this film is just one giant action sequence on a highway. That’s one thing I kept noticing about the trailers. They kept showing scenes on the highway and I thought either those are the only action sequences in the film or most of this takes place on a damn highway. And yes, most of it takes place on a damn highway.
I guess I should mention everyone’s favorite character Negasonic Teenage Warhead, played by Brianna Hildebrand. I guess maybe I should say breakout star Brianna Hildebrand? She’s really done nothing before this. She does have a lesbian coming of age film coming out soon, but that’s about it. This was another character I had to google, just on the name alone it gets you curious, right? I do remember the Monster Magnet song. As much as I tried, I could never get into them. But I do however remember that song. It might have been their only hit. Whatever happened to them, are they still around?
Anyway, Negasonic Teenage Warhead in the comics or should I say comic, only shows up once and immediately dies. Thankfully, they rewrote her character, turning her ability into… I guess she kind of explodes. That’s either the dumbest superpower or the coolest.
The villains of this story are Ajax and Angel Dust. Who is the name of a wrestler, right? Ajax is played by Ed Skrein. The last thing I saw him in was The Transporter Refueled. Which was less a film and more of a car commercial.
Angel Dust was played by Gina Carano, who I thought would have a bigger career by now. Maybe it’s because she can’t act, I don’t know. Her character wasn’t given a whole lot to say in this. She did do a film called In the Blood that I thought was pretty entertaining. And she really wasn’t that bad in it. Next time let her say something, instead of beating the shit out of Colossus.
Oh! I can’t go without mentioning Stan Lee’s cameo.
After the ambush on the highway, Deadpool has Ajax captured, but gets away thanks to dummy Colossus. The mistake made by Deadpool was revealing his identity to Ajax or Francis as Deadpool likes to mock him with.
This of course puts Vanessa, Deadpool’s lady love in danger. Having the bad guys looking for her at a strip club. And this is where we get one of Stan Lee’s best appearances. As the strip club DJ.
Vanessa is quickly kidnapped and you know the rest, mainly because the second half of the trailers is where the rest of the film takes place.
This film is filled with clever little moments. Like Deadpool always leaving behind his ammo bag. Or talking this innocent taxi driver into kidnapping his rival. Or even just how when Deadpool notices Ajax got way and he gives this Home Alone Macaulay Culkin too much after shave expression.
I don’t think you need to be a fan to enjoy this film. It was something I feared going into. But you really don’t have to know anything about Deadpool. They did a great job setting up the character and his backstory. Even if it was all told in flashbacks.
If the trailers for the film looked like something you’d be interested in, then check it out.
[I]But what are your thoughts? Feel free to join the discussion below…
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