An excerpt from Reals’ script review for Anon which will be available 05/10/18:
What Needs Work
— I am also writing a similar noir-like detective story (though mine is a comic series, not a film) and my main complaint here is that the Voice Over work in this (at least by page 12) isn’t unique or that memorable. You need a gritty, very specific dialogue for your character, especially if you are doing the noir, bad-streets kind of film.
— A lot of parentheses usage. I’m not a fan, but I will let it slide because the story moves right along.
— Pg. 45 – A few misspellings and formatting things, not enough to be too annoying yet, but I’ve started to notice several mistakes.
— Pg. 63 – They got into her mind’s eye or whatever it is called much too easily. If she is the super-hacker that they say, this had better be a trick because otherwise it’s pretty disappointing.
— Pg. 68 – The son dying is OK, but honestly, it seems like forced characterization. It hasn’t been focused on much at all and really has no effect on the plot or story that we really care about. Maybe it will, but right now we seem to be almost done and the dead kid still doesn’t matter.
— Pg. 72 – We also know next to nothing about our killer and her motives – it does build intrigue, but it also makes us not really care about or fear her.
— Pg. 98 – It would have been better if Sal had figured out a way to hijack or hide from the POV Switch that the killer uses – it could have been a line earlier that he remembers and it saves his life.
— It kind of just ends – I needed a little more – something like he’s going to be chasing her or that she was going to start helping him – this was a little disappointing.
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