An excerpt from Reals’ script review for Preacher (2010) Unproduced John August which will be available 05/18/18:

What Worked

Lots of white space – that is great!

This is a cool line (and likely visual):

DEBLANC (V.O.) (CONT’D)
The Devil was the first to die.

TWO GUNSHOTS ring out like thunder.

Pg. 16 – Being dropped to the bottom of a river in a coffin is a terrifying thing – especially for a kid and makes for an effective scene.

HOWEVER – the writer could have upped the horror factor here and really kept us in a claustrophobic nightmare for awhile.
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Pg. 39 –

EXT. ALLEY – DAY
The door is blocked by the bumper of a 2006 Toyota Corolla, despite a sign saying “ABSOLUTELY NO PARKING.”

This is nice! Never make it too easy on your characters.

Pg. 33 – If the entire story started here – with a woman vigilante who gets trapped in a cellar to a creepy sex-dungeon and has to fight her way out – I would be all-in on this story. This is new, creepy and gives me a character I like and want to see succeed/survive. However, since she is not our protagonist and we have wasted 33 pages really getting to this story, it doesn’t bode well for the actual script.
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It’s kind of cool that Jessie can get people to do whatever he says when his eyes glow, but I wonder what weaknesses he has? It’s kind of like Superman, there’s nothing that can really hurt him now, so he’s never going to be in any real peril.
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Pg. 91 – Only when Jody gets quite close does Jesse see why the Voice isn’t working. Blood trickles out of both of Jody’s ears.
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This is an interesting obstacle, but is never capitalized on enough.

Pg. 73 – I did not see the killing of Tulip coming, but that is good! It motivates Jessie, surprised me and will drive our story forward until the end.
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Pg. 90 – … a backwoods Houdini…

​​​​​​​I like this line of description as it is short, but I can see what he is talking about.

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