As much of a fan as I am of the Fast and Furious films, I don’t remember Gal Gadot being in them. Of course when she did those films, no one has ever heard of her before. I only ever took notice of her career once she showed up in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. After that, her appearances in films where a bit more noticeable. Like Criminal and Keeping Up with the Joneses. Especially Keeping Up with the Joneses where she tries on lingerie with Isla Fisher, even sharing a passionate kiss. That film doesn’t have much going for it, but it does have Gal Gadot and Isla Fisher tongue wrestling.

Two ladies kissin’’. What better way to transition into talking about Wonder Woman!

From what little I do know about the origins of the character, she was heavily inspired by dominatrixes. The bondage gear…, the fact she uses a whip to tie up men… a utopia surrounded by nothing but gorgeous women……

Sure, the creator of the character had a fetish. And using that fetish as inspiration, we have Wonder Woman! I mean, the guy wasn’t exactly subtle about it. There’s more history there with the character and the creator William Marston, who was a bondage fetishist, who also invented the lie detector machine… Go figure.

So far the DC cinematic universe has been pretty…… let’s say terrible.

A side note, why is it DC comics? Doesn’t the “C” in DC stand for comics? Detective Comics, right? So isn’t it kind of like saying ATM machine?

Spoilers start now. Starting early this time mainly because there’s only one major spoiler.

Wonder Woman I have always found to be a bit strange. Unlike most comic book heroes, who fight evil aliens, other worldly creatures or evil geniuses, Wonder Woman fights Greek gods. Most of the time as I was watching this film, it felt less like a superhero movie and more like a big budget film adaptation of Xena: Warrior Princess. Hell, Wonder Woman’s main foe in this is Ares, the same as in Xena.

Ares in Wonder Woman, is being played by David Thewlis, who if you’ve been watching the latest season of Fargo, you might recognize. And you might remember in season 2 Bruce Campbell showed up playing Ronald Reagan. Who if you remember played a character that from time to time would pop up on Xena. Boom! Connected, shared universe! Xena is Wonder Woman, confirmed. The real trick would be to try and connect this to the Tommyverse. Yes, I spoiled the film’s only twist just because I wanted to make a St. Elsewhere reference.

So how does an island full of only beautiful women come about? From what I could put together, the amazons were made by Zeus after Ares killed all the other Greek gods. Zeus was able to get a lightning bolt shot off into Ares before kicking him down to earth 300 style.

The amazons are there to stop Ares if he ever rises again.

Diana aka Wonder Woman, is the only child on the island. The ladies are I guess immortal, so that explains away why they’d ever need men to repopulate their numbers. Diana, as she’s told, was made from clay by her mother, the queen, and brought to life by Zeus. Which sounds stupid, right? Clearly it’s some kind of cover story. And it kind of is, but not what I thought it was going to be.

Honestly, I thought the big reveal was going to be Ares was her true father. Her mom and him knocked some boots and out came Diana, a demigod like Hercules or something. But no, not the case.

There’s a legend on the island of The Godkiller, a sword strong enough to kill a god. I’m not completely sure where the Lasso of Truth comes from. It just suddenly appears when they need it. Like Diana’s armor. We’re supposed to believe she’s wearing her amazon armor under her fancy modern clothes? And where does she keep her sword and shield?

There’s a scene where she hands them off to Chris Pine’s secretary for safekeeping, but when she’s out in the battlefield everything just kind of appears on her. Oh course the alternative would be to stop the film so she could change outfits. Everything just appearing on her I guess is the only good option. Or just never have her change out of the Wonder Woman outfit altogether.

But we can’t have that either. Women need to see other women in fanciful dresses. Something I first started noticing in the shitty Star Wars prequel films. We got to get Queen Amidala in as many dresses as possible, for the female audience. Even Wonder Woman isn’t immune. Of course there’s a clothes trying on montage. Because ladies be tryin’ on clothes, ain’’t that right, fellas. Didn’t the tv series solve this problem by just having her spin around quickly? It’s best that and the invisible flying jet are absent from this film.

Growing up on the island, Diana longs to be a warrior like all the others, but her queen mother refuses to let her train. But you can’t stop the inevitable. As she gets older… this also isn’t explained. I mean, I guess at one point she stops getting any older, right?

Anyway, years go by maybe even centuries, we don’t know or I wasn’t paying attention. And out of the sky falls Steve Trevor, Chris Pine’s character. He’’s dressed like a German soldier, crash landing in the sea in one of their planes. Diana sees this and fishes him out of the sea, helping him get free from the wreckage of the plane.

This is World War 1, mind you. They aren’t Nazis yet. Though you can tell they so badly want the enemy to be Nazis. But the film is already getting dangerously close to being a Captain America First Avenger rip off, so regular German soldiers it is.

Hot on Trevor’s trail though are those regular not Nazi German soldiers. They swarm the beaches only to get quickly killed off by the amazons. Steve Trevor is imprisoned until he can tell the amazons why he’’s here. They use the lasso of true on him, making him talk. He’’s a spy and has just stolen the notes of a madwoman who has developed a lethal poisonous gas that even a gas mask can’t protect you from. He needs to get the journal into the right hands before the Germans can use it, dropping it on London.

Diana sees this as Ares’’ doing. He has infected man, making them all war hungry. So Diana steals the Godkiller sword, her lasso of truth and the American flag colored armor. Which actually has color this time, unlike BvS, where it was just brown. Thankfully most of the film is like that. Colorful. Well, colorful is overstating it a bit. So far the DC films have had this dark, gloomy, kind of colorless feel to them. Wonder Woman still has this dark color palette, but the color isn’t as crushed this time around like say in Man of Steel. Because who wants their Superman film to have bright colors, right? That would just be silly.

Speaking of silly, wasn’t her outfit colored red white and blue because that was what Steve Trevor’s national flag was? I remember something like that in the comics.

So after stealing all the sacred weapons, Diana and Steve sail away from the island, ending up in London. There, Steve is able to hand off the journal and gives Diana a chance to have her Thor moment. A fish out of water ordeal. It adds some needed humor to the film and whole DCU really.

Not wanting to do nothing as the Germans prepare their chemical weapon, Diana and Trevor rally a band of mercenaries together. A drunk Irishman sniper who can’t pull the trigger. A Spanish playboy who would rather be a stage actor than fighting a war. And lastly, the Native American to help guide them through the battlefields.

Along the way, Diana sees the horrors of war for the first time and she’s mortified. After freeing a town from German occupation, she and Trevor knock some boots. We got to build that relationship so when he dies… I know, spoilers. But really, you didn’t think she’d still be with some 80 year old Steve Trevor did you? I mean, must I remind you of Captain America again?

The main villain aside from Ares is Ludendorff.

He’’s in charge of getting the chemical weapon ready, made by his scientist madwoman Dr. Maru. Who wears a face mask that I couldn’t quite figure out how it stays in place.

Diana thinks Ludendorff is actually Ares, so she sets off to find him and take him out. Ludendorff is throwing a lavish party to celebrate their new chemical weapon. A perfect opportunity to sneak in and try to kill him. And this also gives us another chance to get Wonder Woman into a pretty dress.

Things don’t go as planned, having Ludendorff slip away, but not before launching one of their rockets carrying the new chemical weapon, wiping out a nearby village.

Even more horrified, and blaming Steve Trevor for his inaction, she runs off to find Ludendorff and end this once and for all.

Ludendorff and Dr. Maru have set up camp at an airfield, readying a plane with several of their chemical bombs. While Wonder Woman deals with Ludendorff, Trevor and company deal with stopping the plane.

Still thinking Ludendorff is Ares, she kills him, only to have the real Ares show up.

Meanwhile, Trevor sneaks aboard the plane, knowing the only way to stop it is to blow it up in midair. After saying their goodbyes, Steve gets on the plane, flying it high enough to where it’s safe, blowing up the plane with him in it. Distraught by this, Diana goes ape shit on Ares, killing him once and for all.

All in all, this was actually a pretty good film. It wasn’t overloaded with action sequences, they really spent time with these characters, fleshing them out a bit. You’ll be surprised at how often characters just sit and have a conversation about their feelings instead of just punching shit. Though this is a superhero movie, so there’s a ton of them just punching shit as well.

This however doesn’t mean the DCU films are now going to start getting good. This is not the start of a trend. Justice League looks like more of the same old shit we’ve been getting. Mostly because Zack Snyder was in charge of the production. He took a backseat this time with Wonder Woman, though he does have a writing credit. I’m almost certain he had something to do with the ending, seeing as it felt like a tonal shift, suddenly becoming a part of the BvS battle with Doomsday.

I thought Gal Gadot was pretty good as well. She played the character naïve at first, and then I guess kind of getting traumatized. She decides to stick around and not go back to the island. Killing Ares didn’t stop men from starting wars. I guess the Wonder Woman we’ve seen now, in present time is a bit more jaded. Because everything needs to be fucking gloomy in these damn films.

This one is worth checking out. If you compare it to Marvel this would be up there with maybe the first Captain America film. A film I was kind of lukewarm about. But for DC this is kind of monumental. A film that gets great reviews and makes them millions of dollars? Pretty unheard of (for them).

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