Meet Milo.

Milo loves vampires. I mean, he REALLY loves vampires. So much so, he thinks he is one.

Okay, not the biggest deal, right? I’m sure it’s perfectly normal for any young… and he’s killing people. The first scene we’re treated to is him in a public bathroom, sucking on some dude’s slit throat.

There’s no sugar coating this, Milo is fucking weird. Everything about him screams this kid has issues, someone get him some help! Even down to the creepy wooden way he walks. That’s not even including the fact he kills people.

I’m not completely sure how old this character is meant to be, I want to say 14 or so, but he’s so tiny, he might as well be 12. Which kind of makes his love interest a bit unusual, seeing as she looks 18. But I’ll get to her later. Right now I’m still stuck on how creepy Milo is.

Milo lives alone with his older brother Otis, (yes Milo & Otis) who has confined himself to the couch, where he sleeps and watches TV. That seems to be all he does. We do eventually get some backstory as to why he lives on the couch, but not until the very end of the film. He was in the military. Some shit he saw there must have fucked him up a bit.

Their parents… they’re dead. The father I don’t remember them saying what happened. But the mother… What happened to the mother is what kick started Milo’s bizarre obsession with death. He came home one day and found that their mother had killed herself. Being the weirdo Milo is, he kind of sampled a little bit of the blood from her slit wrists. Like one does. Don’t act like that’s weird. You’re weird!

Milo’s “troubles” must be known, seeing as he goes every day to a school psychologist. Which I didn’t know was a thing. She tries her best to get him to open up, especially if he’s torturing and killing animals again.

Thankfully he’s only thinking about it. He’s moved on to bigger prey.

Milo lives in a real shitty part of the city. He has to go past gang members to get to his apartment building. That’s where he runs into Sophie, played by Chloe Levine. Who I found insanely attractive, even if her hair looked like a bird’s nest. She also looks considerable older than Milo, making their budding romantic relationship somewhat concerning. Again, not to mention she’s dating a fucking serial killer!

Sophie is… she’s damaged goods. She’s a cutter, lets the boys use her body and is abused by her mean grandfather. She instantly latches on to Milo, the only one to be nice to her. All he did was help her with her bags. They live in the same apartment complex.

The other time they run into each other she’s screwing a group of guys outside in a field somewhere. Milo, being creepy watches from afar.

He then later watches as she cuts herself, wanting to drink the blood. If that wasn’t a giant red flag for her, I don’t know what is. He then later asks her if she wants to watch a movie. The movie happens to be a video on how to slaughter cows. Again, giant red flags everywhere! Run, lady! Run! It was enough to get her to flee at first. But like a lost puppy she comes back asking for more creepy Milo time.

Meanwhile, Milo has been keeping a calendar of the days he should kill people and drink their blood. I might add, Milo is not a vampire. I know maybe that thought might be in the back of your mind. But no, he’s just a human. He even vomits out the blood he drinks eventually. Thanks to Fight Club I know you can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick. But even then he still can’t get it in his head that maybe he isn’t really a vampire.

In kind of a bizarre instance, I guess to move the plot along or have something happen, Milo is stopped by a couple of white kids looking to score some drugs. Milo fucks with them and leads one of them into a creepy building. That’s when the gang members show up and just kill him. Milo is caught by the victim’s girlfriend and is brought in by the police for questioning. But Milo ain’t no snitch!

To punish him for not snitching, the cops drop him off right in front of the gangsters who killed the white boy. Now they think Milo told on them, putting him on their radar.

Things also seem to be deteriorating with Sophie. She has now moved in with Milo because things with her abusive grandfather have become volatile. While living there, she discovers Milo’s bizarre murder journals and calendar. She even reveals what Milo uses for his kills. It’s a knife disguised as a pen. A pen Milo constantly likes to thumb when talking to people.

And of course this is what gets her to finally realize that Milo might be crazy. She then talks herself into not believing it, thinking it was a book he’s writing. C’mon, girl. Out of all the people you could have hooked up with, you pick the creepy 12 year old obsessed with vampires? Really? I mean, I know you got some self-respect issues, but c’mon! And comb that hair, it’s driving me nuts!

Milo, like any good serial killer, has been taking mementos from his victims. Their money. By now he has a few thousand bucks stashed away. His plan is to give Sophie this money so she’ll leave town. I’m pretty sure if she stayed, he’d kill her. He sets this whole thing up… You see, Milo doesn’t think he can die. Or at least he can’t kill himself. Because he’s a vampire after all. And vampires don’t commit suicide. So he arranges it so he gets himself killed.

He seems to come to this conclusion after prowling the streets one night, looking for another victim. That’s where he sees a drunk guy getting rough with a hooker. Milo follows the drunk home where he kills his little daughter and stabs him to death in his sleep.

Not really feeling it anymore, Milo comes up with his plan.

He gives the main gang member some stolen items to help get the gang from suspecting him as a snitch. Milo then later calls the cops, having the gang arrested.

Sophie takes the money and leaves town.

Milo on the other hand is gunned down on his way back from school.

If you think there’s going to be some giant twist or plot reveal, you’re wrong. Milo isn’t a vampire, he isn’t coming back to life. You keep waiting and waiting for that to happen. They really take their time too.

We follow him going to the morgue.

We follow as the mortician does his autopsy.

And we see him finally get buried.

All this time you’re kind of wondering… is he going to pop up? Nope. Milo is dead. Milo is not a vampire. Or is he… no.

This film kind of reminded me of Vampire’s Kiss without the humor or the Nicolas Cage. But really it reminded me of the film Fresh. About an insanely smart 12 year old drug dealer who Walter White’s his opponents, killing everyone. Great film, never hear anyone talk about it, but it is really worth seeing.

Anyway, back to The Transfiguration. I liked this film, it isn’t one I’ll go out of my way to see again, but it did what it set out to do. They made a realistic vampire movie. Which is something Milo is insistent on. He likes his vampire films to be realistic, which is why he doesn’t care about the Twilight films or books. Not realistic enough.

Here, you get a realistic vampire film, with no real vampire. And I think it’s worth a watch. So check it out!

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