An excerpt from my script review for The Accountant which will be available 10/19/16:
3.) Quality of Characters
Two things here.
First, the second scene of the script presents YOUNG BOY and LITTLE BROTHER.
We’re not given their names, and the reason we’re not is that this scene will remain a mystery for most of the script, especially as we try to figure out which one’s Chris, and is the other mysterious character Marybeth is looking for one, the other, or both?
This is good, and the proper way to use generic names in your plot to build mystery, because creates suspense which leads to a good read.
What WOULD NOT be correct is if you present them as Young Boy and Little Brother, only to name them via dialogue on the next page.
One page of suspense isn’t worth the trouble.
See the difference?
Second, connecting characters is always beneficial, since it strengthens your plot, but is there such a thing as TOO MANY connections?
This story pushed that limit, and about the time Ray was telling Marybeth about how he’s connected to Chris, I rolled my eyes.
It felt forced, especially with how many times we had to play out that damn flashback at The Raven Social Club.
Brax being Little Brother…good.
Chris being confirmed as Young Boy…fine.
Minor tie-in of Francis being Chris’s mentor…made Chris’s profession believable.
I even enjoyed Justine using her super computer and being the mysterious British Female Voice.
Attempted twist that came off as lame, especially if there’s a sequel where Marybeth assumes Ray’s role.
The timeframe didn’t seem to work from him being a crappy agent to suddenly super auditor for The Treasury.
How many years did it possibly take for him to climb that ladder?
My tip, use caution.
It’s a quick slip from creating connections that are cool to ones that are simply convenient.
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