Screenwriting techniques that improve our writing

[chriscobb]

The formatting and scene heading thread made me realize that there are a lot of craft-focused techniques that can greatly improve our scripts, and yet we don't all know about them. So I thought I'd start a thread to share them. Here's one from the thread:

From a screenwriting book by working screenwriter Alex Epstein called Crafty Screenwriting, an excerpt from page 109-110:

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How to Direct the Camera Without Seeming To

Since you want reading your screenplay to feel like seeing a movie,
explicit camera directions are bad. For example:

CLOSEUP OF FEET

walking along the floor. We TRACK ALONG WITH
the feet until they disappear behind a door.


You might see this in a production draft of a screenplay, when the
director has asked the writer to put his notes into the script, or when
the director is the writer. You might see this in a TV script written
by a writer-producer who has the clout to make a director shoot it
the way he wants. For example, if you look at James Cameron's
scripts, you'll see "We CRANE DOWN below the wall" and "...TILTING
DOWN to see the glow pulsing under the ice." Neither of these scripts
has to sell to anyone. They're already sold. Cameron is writing as
much for his film crew as for a reader.

...

The solution is to show us only what you want us to see:

FEET

walk across the floor and disappear behind a door.

I like to think of this as a virtual close-up. The reader "sees" only what you want
her to see.
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[chriscobb]

All of chapter 9 in Karl Iglesias' excellent book Writing For Emotional Impact is worth your time. One of my faves:

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OVER-DESCRIBED ACTION AND MINUTIAE

The most common issue I see with amateur scripts is too much description.

...

They tend to overwrite at every level, describing too much, using complex sentences and long paragraphs.

...

In today's Hollywood, the goal is a fast read, an easy read, which means narrative must be kept to a minimum through concise writing--sentences that are short, often one-word fragments, and paragraphs no longer than four lines.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Chris,

You seem to have some good experience at the craft and read many books on the subject. I, for one, am getting invaluable information from you and others on this (an other) site. My problem with the paragraph you quoted, and is continually echoed to us "rookies" is,

"In today's Hollywood, the goal is a fast read, an easy read, which means narrative must be kept to a minimum through concise writing--sentences that are short, often one-word fragments, and paragraphs no longer than four lines."

We are constantly told to read movie scripts of movies that have been made to get some insight. But after reading The Grey, it is chock full of long descriptive paragraphs - which I have been hammered for (no matter how good I write them). And then to say, "Well, writers that have sold scripts can get away with it." Which is it, read scripts and follow, or do it like some readers say?

Not trying to be contrary on purpose, but when I trim my script down I want to make sure I don't cut out too much. I want to make it clean, and easy to read - but not so simple that it looses it's impact. I think I can accomplish both.

Just my quick thoughts.

[chriscobb]

More from chapter 9 of Iglesias' Writing For Emotional Impact. Probably my favorite screenwriting technique of all to master. Here's the now very familiar "Alien" example:

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VERTICAL WRITING - LEADING THE EYE ON THE PAGE


Prose writers tend to write horizontally from left to right. Screenwriters write vertically down the page, which creates a dynamic pace that speeds up the reading:

LAMBERT
What's the matter.

KANE
I don't know... I'm getting cramps.

The others stare at him in alarm.
Suddenly he makes a loud groaning noise.
Clutches the edge of the table with his hands.
Knuckles whitening.

ASH
Breathe deeply.

Kane screams.

KANE
Oh God, it hurts so bad.
It hurts. It hurts.
(stands up)
Ooooooh.

BRETT
What is it. What hurts.

Kane's face screws into a mask of agony.
He falls back into his chair.

KANE
Ohmygooaaaahh.

A red stain.
Then a smear of blood blossoms on his chest.
The fabric of his shirt is ripped apart.
A small head the size of a man's fist pushes out.
The crew shouts in panic.
Leap back from the table.
The cat spits, bolts away.
The tiny head lunges forward.
Comes spurting out of Kane's chest trailing a thick body.
Splatters fluids and blood in its wake.
Lands in the middle of the dishes and food.
Wriggles away while the crew scatters.
Then the Alien being disappears from sight.
Kane lies slumped in his chair.
Very dead.
A huge hole in his chest.
The dishes are scattered.
Food covered with blood.

[chriscobb]

Chris,

You seem to have some good experience at the craft and read many books on the subject. I, for one, am getting invaluable information from you and others on this (an other) site. My problem with the paragraph you quoted, and is continually echoed to us "rookies" is,

"In today's Hollywood, the goal is a fast read, an easy read, which means narrative must be kept to a minimum through concise writing--sentences that are short, often one-word fragments, and paragraphs no longer than four lines."

We are constantly told to read movie scripts of movies that have been made to get some insight. But after reading The Grey, it is chock full of long descriptive paragraphs - which I have been hammered for (no matter how good I write them). And then to say, "Well, writers that have sold scripts can get away with it." Which is it, read scripts and follow, or do it like some readers say?

Not trying to be contrary on purpose, but when I trim my script down I want to make sure I don't cut out too much. I want to make it clean, and easy to read - but not so simple that it looses it's impact. I think I can accomplish both.

Just my quick thoughts.

The Grey is written by someone who is already a known commodity in HWood and the script is a shooting script, so basically ignore it. And that's the problem for up-and-coming writers -- we don't get many actual spec scripts to read that show us what's selling. All we get are produced scripts from well known writers or projects.

Not to toot my own horn, but my spec Super Friends is written in exactly the way I would recommend writing a script for HWood today. And that's why I wrote it the way I did.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

Chris,

Thanks for the response! I really appreciate this thread and will try to refrain from derailing it. On with the learning...

The Grey is written by someone who is already a known commodity in HWood and the script is a shooting script, so basically ignore it. And that's the problem for up-and-coming writers -- we don't get many actual spec scripts to read that show us what's selling. All we get are produced scripts from well known writers or projects.

Not to toot my own horn, but my spec Super Friends is written in exactly the way I would recommend writing a script for HWood today. And that's why I wrote it the way I did.

[chriscobb]

Chris,

Thanks for the response! I really appreciate this thread and will try to refrain from derailing it. On with the learning...

Actually Jeremiah, I think you're asking exactly the right questions. I spent an awful long time searching for them, and that's why I started this thread. As far as I know there is no book or website where these kind of specific craft techniques for building a great spec are gathered together. So why not here?

[chriscobb]

Some more favorites, from Terry Rossio's online article Points For Style:

INTRA-SCENE LOCATION HEADINGS:

One way to keep the 'flow' of a scene is to not break it up into a series of INT./EXT. location headings, but still give the effect of a series of fast location shifts. This can be accomplished by 'mini' scene headings within the scene, such as:

ON THE BALCONY,

the soldier raises his rifle, takes aim at the Presidential limo.

ON THE STREET,

the limo comes to a stop, stopped in traffic.

[chriscobb]

More from Terry Rossio's online article Points For Style:

PUT IT IN DIALOG:

Believe it or not, executives are renowned for reading just the dialog of a screenplay, and skipping the scene descriptions altogether. It's a quick way to get the basic outline of a story when you're pressed for time. (Then in the meeting, of course, they'll complain that the script 'Isn't visual enough.' Go figure.) This problem is so pervasive that screenwriters have resorted to repeating key story points in dialog, knowing that if the point is made solely with a visual, it might get missed.

I don't know if I'd go that far, but Ted and I did include an extraneous bit of dialog in a script once. In our MASK OF ZORRO script, during an action sequence, one of the characters executed a diversion that resulted in trapping a soldier. It took a few paragraphs to set the trap, and then pay it off. The page was looking a little gray. In fact, the entire page was a block of text. So we had the soldier shout, "It's a trap!" which broke up the middle of the page nicely. And for all those execs who were skipping the descriptions anyway, they at least knew what was going on.

[chriscobb]

And one of my faves from Terry Rossio's online article Points For Style:

TALKING DESCRIPTIONS:

Here's an 'advanced' technique invented, as far as I know, by screenwriter Ron Bass. At least, I've only seen it used in his screenplays.

The idea is to convey the subtlety of an actor's reaction shot by writing an unspoken response into the description, but using the unspoken dialog itself as straight description, with no other embellishments. Like this:

John opens the box -- a diamond ring glitters. John removes it, holds it out to her. Melinda doesn't even look at it; she stares at John, trying to read him.

MELINDA
You really want this to happen?

More than anything.

MELINDA
I can't do it.

Yes you can.

MELINDA
(finally looks at the
ring)
It's beautiful ...

The beauty of this technique is that it puts firmly into the mind's eye of the reader a very 'full' performance from the actor. To convey the idea 'more than anything,' the actor in the reader's mind's eye has to put on a great performance, and you know it's going to be convincing to the reader, 'cause the reader is the one coming up with it!

The usual choice here is to write a phrase like:

He gives her a look that says, "More than anything."

But the 'talking descriptions' style is shorter, more poetic, and more powerful.